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Country, and Republicans, First
Save for the lack of scheduled appearances by Valerie Bertinelli, Tiffani Thiessen or Jennie Garth, over the course of the next two
Securing the Sewers of Saint Paul Against the Crappiest of Villains
Hordes of Jihadists, radical liberals and ancient clown-shaped abominations with fantasies of disrupting the Republican National Convention by rising from beneath the streets of Saint Paul like so many crap-coated Lovecraftian elder-beings wept bitterly as public works employees welded downtown manhole covers shut during the last week.
Keeping the Peace Means Communication and a Warm Taser
While terrorists plotting to obliterate the Xcel Center in a fertilizer-scented blast of hellfire would seem to be the larger cause for concern among the various agencies responsible for security around the RNC, the Department of Homeland Security, in conjunction with Texas Security Threat Group officers, the California Department of Corrections and the Sacramento Intelligence unit, is bringing its "A" game. In other words, it's examining all threats, no matter how unlikely.
