Publisher Kristin Henning: Hang Up and Drive.

Chief Operating Officer Matt Bartel:

Editor Cristina Córdova: Good thing I brought my library card, 'cause I'm checking you out.

Calendar Editor Jennifer Havrish: Baby Jesus cries every time you don't use your turn signal.

Advertising Director A.J. Kiefer: In case of rapture... I have dibs on your TV

Contributing Writers
Ann Bauer: Don't Make Me Get Out My Flying Monkeys.
Rich Goldsmith: There are two important things to remember about surrealism. Frogs, power tools, and the Lincoln Memorial.



Jeremy Iggers: Practice Compassionate Impeachment.
Melinda Jacobs: My other car is a MULE
Britt Robson: JESUS SAVES... He Passes It To Gretzky... Gretzky Shoots... He Scores!
Erin Roof:

Max Ross: My other car is a car. It's not this one. This is a different car than my other car, which is a car.
Todd J. Smith: "It Don't Matter to Jesus" — from The Big Lebowski
Brad Zellar: Don't Honk, I'm Pedaling As Fast As I Can!

Weatherman Jimmy "Dutch" Gaines: Boycott Jane Fonda Traitor Commie Bitch

Edit Interns
Tom Bartel: If you can read this, I'm a Minnesotan blocking traffic in the left lane.
David Bloomquist:
Joshua Fischer: How's my driving? Call 911. (and) No, I'm not wasted, I'm just a bad driver.
Hannah Simpson: What if the hokey pokey IS what it's all about?