hey, you got some grass?

Saturday's Fair Index
(with apologies to Harpers [1])

Number of Lark [2]-bound old ladies that got stuck in the fergaliscious crowd in front of KDWB [3]: 2
Chances that someone sucking down a shake by the dairy barn would step in dung: 1 in 4
Ratio of fanny-packs to tube tops at noon: 5:2
Ratio of fanny-packs to tube tops at 6pm: 2:7
Chances that a 4-H kid got a fat man to fall for the dollar-on-a-string gag: 9 in 10
In inches, the average overflow stack on area garbage cans: 15.6
Percentage of people eating a turkey leg that also carried a pitcher of beer as their beverage: 22%
Amount of time after horking down a soft pretzel that I was seduced by French crepes: 3 seconds
Amount of time that I spent looking for a SPAM [4] burger before giving up: 2 hours
Percentage of my family that wanted to go see the Butter Heads [5]with me: 0%
Percentage of certainty that I will go again before Labor Day: 100%

Tuesday [8] is the REAL food day at the fair...Check out Carousel Park tomorrow for all the Minnesota Cooks [9]action: chefs, food personalities, local politicians, and moi. I'll be on the tasting panel at 11am tomorrow, sampling the work of JP [10] and Tracy Singelton [11], and clanking forks with the revolutionaries of Axdahl Farms [12]. Then maybe someone will go see the Butter Heads with me.

Come on down now, ya hear?