The daily digest of Twin Cities culture | Secrets of the City

Kurt K. Kersten here (if there is a family tie, the records have been sealed somehwere in Miississippi, like at the bottom of it, ha, ha, no, you're kiling me, stop...)

Seriously, that is my name and I have been asked by the Road Rake to guest blog for the week.

Of course I am honored.

Apparently, the Road Rake has been in a funk since he "came out" and admitted he could not vote for McBama. His blog traffic is in the toilet and he is afraid he has offended the liberal sensibilities of his readership. So I volunteered to guest blog. I mean its not like anyone on my side is going to read this, so I may as well let you in on a little secret.

Three years ago I met this dude down in Palm Beach who worked for Rush when he was preyed upon by prescription pain peddlers who got him hooked. I am told that things got so bad that Rush started shacking up with some pale-faced number from Hungary named Oroficia.

Quiet girl but real pretty.

Apparently Rush's fifth wife was about to bust him, so this dude asks if I could drive Oroficia back up North for awhile and I agreed on the spot.

On that first trip back to Minnesota we drove all the way from sane states like Florida, where you can drive free from commuting laws that steal away your liberties and force you to share your car with another human to TOTALLY INSANE STATES LIKE MINNESOTA.

Well, at least, that's what I used to think.

Since that trip, "O" has been with me in the car every day. What I like most about her is how remarkably well-preserved she is for having grown up in Hungary under sweatshop conditions without ever knowing her parents or family. I know she's from there because she proudly wears ths little lapel insider her bra that says "Made In Hungary" just like my Grandma's "Made In Sweden" t-shirts.

I am also sure that Rush has forgotten her by now.

So now I have her all to myself (and yeah, I really have seen her bra) and just like a good woman she just keeps her mouth shut (more or less). This leaves me time for listening to talk radio without someone barking in my ear while I am speeding along the sane lane and smiling at all those blue staters stuck in traffic.

If only they had a girl like mine.

About the only thing I really don't like is the smudgy red lipstick she wears around the strange circular smile that is her mouth. Come to think of it she never really does keep her mouth shut.

Then again, no one's perfect.

Not even Sock Puppet.