But will that thing fit in the trunk?
Road Rakes should be, quite literally, driven to fight commonism in all its forms. This includes the commonism of the politically correct (right and left.) I am therefore suggesting a road trip (aka "Freedom Ride") to fight this menace.
Permit me to set some context:
Take Sean Penn. Great actor--even better director. While he has proven to be capable of deep thought, his actions frequently do not support the gaseous pomposity that spews from his mouth.
For example, I am convinced I've heard Mr. Penn link our supposed "war" against terrorism to liberal gun policies in the US. While he may be right about this, it does not help that he was recently pulled over with a cache of unregistered hand guns in his car.
Let's face it. While we hate to admit it, a lot of people who toe the politically correct line on most everything own guns. Yeah, maybe that doesn't include you, but let's face it, you are intrigued.
I don't own a gun yet, but the idea does appeal to me.
I am convinced that the g-force from a gun is similar to the rush you get from a high-torque (not necessarily HP) car. Therefore I think guns and cars go together. The play station generation would agree (Though blogs are more fun than video games. More dangerous too.)
On that note, I'd like to propose a new compelling story for the latest trend in automotive journalism--the road trip diary. As a voracious consumer of car magazines, I've noticed that both the American and British rags have been devoting a lot more ink lately to the "road trip" story. Obviously it’s a great way to pursue the pleasures of motoring.
What's more, as you get older, there's no reason why that fear and loathing road trip you took as a college student in an imported green Fiat without brakes (great for mountain passes in a blizzard) cannot be upgraded a bit. You should be responsible enough to handle the higher horsepower you can access these days. You should also be responsible enough to handle a gun (and the reality it symbolizes.)
So I propose to all you that we each commit to a new road trip this year in the fastest cars we can find--and then report on our findings. The only caveat I will add is that you studiously avoid any form of political correctness on your journey. This means no trips to the Rainforests to explore vanishing cultures. No Ferraris driven across China to secretly uncover the evils of income redistribution.
No, I suggest you take a road trip to explore the maximum g-forces you can extract from your ride en route to your local shooting range.
For added effect, find a buddy with permission to both own and carry firearms so you can keep them in your trunk. If you do get pulled over, yeah you might get paranoid, but this time you'll be legal.
...And as long as you've kept the statute of limitations on politically correct utterances in public for year or so, you won't end up like Madonna's first husband.
Think of it. You'll one-up Sean Penn without getting hit.
I might add that a Porsche is also a cop magnet. Best tip I ever got was you can go as fast as you want, if you stay in the right lane. That's very good advice in Minnesota, too, because most idiots are in the left lane.
And handguns are a lot more accurate than they used to be. I have a new one and a very old one, and the new one goes where it's pointed. The old one..not so much. Luckily I've never had to shoot one in a combat situation. Under controlled circumstances, I can pretty much shoot a 6 inch group at 25 feet. You are absolutely right about the gangsta sideways thing. Why would you want the shell to eject up instead of to the side unless you thought you were doing it for style points? Those things burn when they hit you in the face, too.
I have heard that one. My friend reminded me of it since he had the gun and I didn't. I'm working now, but if I remember tonight I'll relay the story of my friend's co-worker that was mauled elk hunting in MT. In case I don't - the short version is he and the guide were mauled. Bear spray made it angrier, shooting it made it run away. But both were fined a few thousand for shooting it even though one spent two weeks in the hospital and the other one two months.
We didn't come across a bear. But we did come across a cross-dressing bear stalker. Her name was Diana and she was 6'5", 280 pounds. She had some good stories about following bears in Glacier and she would not have appreciated the fact that we brought a gun with us fishing. So we didn't tell her.
Car: Ferraris and Mustangs are cool, but way too obvious to the constabulary. The Honda Civic SI or similar japanese nondescript vehicle is best for under the radar fun. Don't "pimp" it , that's a sure pull-me-over sign. And don't get me started on the stupidity of rear-deck wings on front-wheel drive cars.
Gun: I prefer hand-loaded black powder for sunset pyrotechnics, but a good 20-guage pump will give you all the gun fantasy trips you want, without busting up your shoulder. Handguns are dangerous and inaccurate, so be careful with those. The "gangsta" sideways aiming thing is sure to miss, by the way.
In that situation, the car just has to be faster than the bear. I would also suggest that if you shoot a bear, you better use some sort of cannon. Otherwise it just pisses them off.
You know the old joke of course: when you and a friend come upon a grizzly, you only need one bullet. Shoot your companion in the leg and keep running yourself.
This fall I took a gun on a road trip. Ok I didn't, but my friend did and I was with him. We went fishing in Montana and took a large pistol with us in case of a Grizzly attack. Of course, it was left in the car 80% of the time we were out fishing so it really was along just to have. Unfortunately the "fastest" car I could find was a Hyundai Elantra.
How about recycled stories from the old days of leaded premiium, factory muscle cars, psychedelic drugs and pistols under the seat?
I have a feeling this is going to be a fun ride.