Today was first day of rehearsal for my play Love Person at Mixed Blood Theatre. I had the first seed of an idea for Love Person while I was working on Sweet Nothing in my Ear at Mixed Blood. At the same time I was researching Sanskrit for a different project, and it struck me that there is a similarity between the two languages. Something about the sentence structure, and how direct they are, straightforward yet poetic. And I began to wonder if it is possible for two people to fall in love on the basis of language alone. Because they understand each other in some deep way that for instance English speakers can't. And how interesting it would be if those two people were a Deaf lesbian and an isolated Sanskrit professor. 20 some drafts later here we are, gearing up for the world premiere, with two more productions scheduled in California and Indiana.
I was nervous this morning, and I couldn't figure out why. For a playwright, at least compared to the actors and director, first day of rehearsal is fairly low pressure. I know I have a fair amount left on my to do list, work that just couldn't happen until the actors, signers, technology were gathered in the same place, so there's some pressure to be inspired on cue- people have lines to memorize, blocking to create, lights to focus- but all in all, not that much is expected of you. And yet I was nervous. And when Risa, the director, began her opening comments, I knew why. She smart, she's spent a lot of time analyzing the inner workings of my play, she sees patterns in the themes and arcs that I never put into words or even realized I wrote, and she knows me intimately. Not only that, she's telling people about me intimately. 'This play asks hard questions, like how do we continue on in our relationships, even when embracing the obstacle is easier than embracing our lover,' and all I can think is 'my personal life is none of your business, lady!' and then she turns to me to make sure I agree with what she's saying, and what am I going to do, lie?
'Yes. Yes, relationships are hard. Yes, I use a lot of sarcasm when I fight with my husband. No, I don't think it's healthy, but it works for me. No, I don't think he really listens.'
And no one is looking at me like I'm naked, so I have to assume the nudity is all in my own head. I did go to a fair amount of trouble (20-some drafts) to ensure that my secrets were evenly distributed among 4 characters, 5 languages, and a whole lotta technology. But if this is what first read through feels like, I can't imagine opening night. A dozen friendly faces around the rehearsal table are a world away from 200 semi-strangers in a dark house. I'll sit near the exit.
Tomorrow is intensive table work. I think I'm ready for it. I already took my clothes off after all, how much worse can it get? Intimacy gets easier, soon I won't even notice, a couple of weeks and I'll be peeing with the door open. OK, now that I wrote that I feel exposed again, but I'm letting it stand, because theater is not for wussies. Mental note to blog about something other than nudity tomorrow.