Today is the day Uptown brings sexy back.
Even as Calhoun Square divests itself of undesirable tenants, forcing men in striped shirts stumbling blindly forth from Drink to satisfy their gyro pizza cravings elsewhere, an ominous pink glow rises from what was once the home of sensibly priced polos and ringer tees - signaling a new order at Lake and Hennepin. A new order that could potentially blow the minds of Uptown residents and shoppers alike. A new order that, if left unchecked, could plant the seed of corruption in the impressionable minds looking for an intellectual connection atop the rooftop at Stella's. For lo, the pink-gartered beast from Columbus has arrived in Uptown, entreating and cajoling all who pass by with promises of crotchless hedonistic delights within.
Or at least, that's what Victoria's Secret CEO Sharen Jester Turney would have us believe. According to Turney, Victoria's Secret has become far too sexy, instantly transforming upstanding Lunds shoppers into streetwalkers and whores and stirring men into testosterone fueled rampages --forcing them to don designer jeans and untucked shirts at a heretofore unheard of pace in order to engage in frenzied rituals involving Captain Morgan and the spasmodic twitching that passes for dance among males of the species. Minneapolis' corporate sector will grind to a standstill as the siren song of garter belts and bustiers lures unsuspecting men and women into a hormone-laden trap, with the furious coupling that ensues resulting in a baby boom of unprecedented proportions - potentially rendering the Social Security system solvent again.
In reality, the arrival of Victoria's Secret does not herald the carnal apocalypse. But, it does signal a new era in the Uptown saga. And while it promises fiscal stability, as fellow blogger Christy DeSmith mentioned, there are significant questions surrounding the redesign of Calhoun Square and its surrounding environs, especially as pertains to the retail mix. Independent restaurants and shops have played a large role in Uptown's history, but many smaller Calhoun Square tenants are leaving, whether because of the instability inherent to a significant redesign like the one the property is going through, or because their leases aren't being renewed. Longtime stalwarts like The Lotus are getting the "morning after the one-night-stand" treatment. Sobriety has come crashing down and while it seemed like a great idea at the time, the cold light of day has revealed Dan Frischman - Arvid from TV sitcom "Head of the Class" - lying languidly beside you, basking in the afterglow. The door can't hit them in the ass fast enough.
The plans put forth by the new owners of Calhoun Square call
for a "mix of national retailers, local
boutiques, and engaging restaurant concepts, including a mix of new and current
tenants..." but that promise is eerily similar to the initial proposals for the
urban nightmare that is Block E and doesn't hold much water given the exodus of
current tenants, though some, like Kitchen Window, have had their leases
extended. And with American Apparel, Victoria's Secret and North Face
all setting up shop near the already well-established Urban Outfitters, Uptown
residents have every right to be suspicious.
In fact, residents are already reverting to the slavering attack dogs who so handily helped scuttle plans for a high-rise condo above the Lagoon Theater.In an example of either the craven cowardice of the Minneapolis Planning Commission, or the strident power of community activism, neighborhood residents have already sent the Minneapolis Planning Commission scrambling for cover as they bombard the developer with demands for "more public space" in the Calhoun Square redesign, as well as concerns over the possibility of large "anchor" tenants at the redesigned mall. Despite the support of city planners, communit concerns have caused approval of the project to be delayed till the Planning Commission's next meeting on March 31st.
Luckily, amid the rancor and disquiet, we have the comforting pink glow of Victoria's Secret to remind us that even if a Chili's takes the place of our beloved Figlio, we can always give in to the overpowering carnality emanating from 3000 Hennepin Ave. and embrace the hedonistic lifestyle proffered by Gisele's cleavage, at least until Sharen Turney introduces the all new Very Sexy Chastity Belt and reveals the company's latest spokesmodel.
There must be worse people to wake up with than Dan Frischman. Check out his website. www.danfrischman.com. (His fans have gotta stick up for the dude!)
Is this really news? Lake and Hennepin has been a second home for mall-going suburbanites for years. And the posturing bohemianism of Lyndale Ave has been stale since at least 2002. Come on up to Northeast, people, where neighborhoods still retain their authenticity.
When I grow up, I'm going to open up a Red Lobster and an Abercrombie & Fitch store in Northeast Minneapolis. Then people like Nordeaster will cease to annoy me.
Two words: Gentrify it!
That's the only solution. I've been a long time fan of Calhoun Square and I've lived in Uptown for quite a few years and while I love the indie shops, we need the stability of national chains to prevent it from slipping into a 'Block E" situation. Friggin' Calhoun Square is like the mall in Dawn of the Dead (the original of course) after the zombies had been whacked but before the biker gang screwed everything up (whoa...horror movie geek moment...)
Anyway, if we bring back Borders, open another Starbucks and (with a little luck) get a Krispy Kreme franchise in the mix, like any other retail area-made good, people will gripe and complain until they're blue in the face, but also like any other retail area-made good, they'll patronize the establishments.
I think I just threw up a little in my mouth...
How is one supposed to feel when the Gap is ousted by Victoria's Secret? Is this like Alien vs. Predator?
Gap was struggling nationally. They were a tired concept. It was good that they left. While it would have been nicer to have something with more oompf at Hennepin-Lake, VS will at least provide those living in Minneapolis an opportunity to spend money within a close trip of home to buy underwear from a company they likely buy underwear from already. Less gas being consumed...maybe they'll even bike or walk. Maybe.
Uptown is in a tough position. It needs to prove itself as successful for new businesses (to Uptown). Once it can regain market share, it can support more independents in the core area. But I'd expect to see more corporations enter Calhoun Square (too expensive, and will become more expensive to maintain with more open space). Hopefully that will be the place for them to go, and then the street can contain the locals.
Covered, the Dinkytown demin/clothing boutique, is opening up a store in Uptown. They're independent. Urban Traveler is leaving Calhoun Square to a space next to MAC.
Northeast has nothing on Uptown long term
LOL, awesome.