If astronomers and astrophysicists are correct, we've got another 13-16 billion years until the universe collapses under its own mass and hubris in a Big Crunch - making it all the more impressive that it has taken just a few short months for Sen. Hillary Clinton's world to implode, compacting itself into a fiery mass of universal healthcare and primary-hued pantsuits. And best of all, emanating from deep within the core of this soon-to-be black hole from whence no screams or painfully contrived holiday greeting can escape, is a sound familiar to anyone with an eight year old - whining.
Yes, even as we eagerly hang on every word about the hard fought Democratic primaries in Texas, Rhode Island, Vermont and Ohio from MPR correspondents and CNN pundits, tuning in to Naked News just in case that austere and respected bastion of quality reporting may have picked up on a polling nuance that others haven't, the Clinton camp is engaging in an entertaining campaign of whining and finger pointing. Top campaign advisors Mark Penn and Harold Ickes have already started to distance themselves from what is rapidly starting to appear to be a Dean-esque clusterfuck, with Penn saying something to the effect of, "I just stopped in to use the wi-fi and surf porn. They asked me about some campaign messages, but I didn't think they'd actually take my advice. Dumbasses."
And at this point, none of this comes as a surprise. The attitude of the Clinton camp from the launch of the campaign was that of the anointed standard-bearer of the Democratic party. As a result, the campaign became that painfully attractive guy/girl who feels like they can just lay there while we do all the work. What the Clintons didn't realize was that liberals across America just wanted to get their freak on, and would happily do so with an upstart senator from Illinois with a populist message and a knack for oratory that can moisten progressive panties from sea to shining sea.
But since they were the front-runners for so long, don't they have every right to be obnoxiously whiny? Are they not well within their rights when pointing fingers at the media for being so hard on Sen. Clinton, at each other for not providing winning strategies for undermining the hope for change that Obama uses as his rallying cry, and at Sen. Clinton for being the unappealing, though well-intentioned and profoundly intelligent, battle-axe we've all come to know and love?
The simple answer is yes, they're free to whine. This is America after all - a land where freedom reigns supreme, former Mickey Mouse Club members can parlay fame into failure and Cristina Aguilera turns out to be the sane one. But if they feel the need to whine, they should be whining about the right things - such as the fact that the campaign never recovered from its failures in Iowa, where underfunding and understaffing doomed Clinton to finishing in third place. Or perhaps they should focus on the painful truth that Bill Clinton's hubris lost them several southern states as he fought a doomed campaign in South Carolina when he could've done far more good elsewhere, failing to make up for the lousy aim that landed him in only the second presidential impeachment trial in the history of the United States. Or even worse, that the same political strategists who raked in $5 million in January alone, $10 million in total, can't come up with a better idea to counteract Barack Obama's surging popularity than the chimpanzee approach - throw a whole lot of shit at the wall and see what sticks.
Sadly, not much has seemed to as of yet. While Clinton is reeking of desperation, frustration and, in a futile attempt to appeal more to females aged 18-34, copious amounts of Axe Body Spray, Obama seems largely untouched. And despite the stench, Clinton says she's "...just getting warmed up." Apparently the old girl needs a lot of foreplay. It's a good thing Sen. Clinton is finally ready though, since by the end of today we ought to know if Hillary is as well and truly boned as the women Bill has been picking up along the campaign trail.
Ew. Does Clinton really wear Axe Body Spray? Do you know which scent?
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Things have become just a little weird in the Democrat camp as of late. And it is said that Rush Limbaugh was exhorting his viewers to go out and vote for Hilary, which is rain falling up and cats sleeping with dogs indeed. Although I understand his logic, perverse though it is.
Don't you have a nagging feeling that she's in it to win? Like, she'll do ANYthing to win?
That sort of tenacity is admirable, probably necessary, in a presidential campaign, but at some point someone has to do the math - in a general election sense. With Obama's supporters so high on the rhetoric of hope, change, etc... it would be a crushing, demoralizing end for Hillary to take the nomination in a perceived backroom deal. An emotional roller coaster.
With her win in Ohio and her "win" in Texas, it looks like it really will go all the way to the convention, which makes it more likely something naughty could happen in Denver.
Excuse me if this is a naive question, but who actually counted the ballots and total delegates in Ohio and Texas?