The Rake Magazine

"We would probably have a better shot of winning the Power ball lottery than having our wives wear this!"

This was sent to me by my former boyfriend, who is now my good buddy, Rob Vinton. Yes, he is the son of Bobby Vinton, and we met here on a show about being the Child of a Celebrity—(Good Company) KSTP TV—in the '80s.

The interesting story about Rob is that he played his father Bobbie Vinton in the movie GOODFELLAS. Rob is now the Musical Conductor-Road Manager-and handsome bass guitarist on the Bobby Vinton Musical Tour.

Small world in the creative field.

Have you ever wondered what it is like to be a model? Instead of boring you with a long story, I will be as brief as I CAN.

I have modeled clothes for designers and done that fake (I am too sexy for my shoes) deal: Knollwood Mall in the '80s. So, it wasn't Fashion Week in New York... It was still fun to walk the runway with a guy that had to wear a Boy Scout outfit to match my Girl Scout outfit. Why? Because I—at the time—had a huge crush on him.

Since he is from a very public family, and I don't have time to get his consent—and go through lawyers—I will call him Mr. Green Eyes. :-)

Mr. Green Eyes and I had a lot of fun getting paired up in fashion shows because you really get to know someone when you are given ONE room in which to change—no privacy—and two seconds to take off your clothes and put on the outfit that was selected for you by the CLIENT and approved by your AGENT. Those moments started out fun, but then they just became awkward, tainted with jealousy.

After that, I had to take a breather. But who wouldn't take $250 to spend 30 minutes having their picture taken in Pink PJ's for the TARGET circular?

That, too, was fun... until a bunch of my high school friends thought it would be cute to copy that ad and post it all over Orono High School. That Monday—which I refer to as Pink Monday from Hell—I thought had taught me a lesson. But, nope; being Me, I had to keep going.

After playing a Fruit of the Loom Grape at 3 a.m. on a home shopping channel to an audience of 12 people, it was really starting to get to me and make me realize this whole modeling world was NOT for ME.

There were a few stand out experiences, of course — like the time that I got booked for a national ad for DAYTON'S. Yep. I got the call from my agent at Eleanor Moore; they wanted ME to be the bride for a national print ad.

I showed up to the shoot, which happened to be at Temple Israel, and—what a surprise—I was booked as the Jewish Bride, and my Jewish Husband was an Italian guy named Tony.

The whole experience was just wrong. First, I was in make-up and hair for three hours, and when I looked in the mirror afterward, I didn't look that different. Then came the Wedding Dress. I sucked in my stomach so hard that my ribs were bruised by the dress. And finally, as I was standing at the alter with Tony (my fake Jewish husband), the director told me to lean in and kiss him for TWO HOURS STRAIGHT.

That was it. I was a married woman getting paid $$$$$ to kiss (more like make-out with) and "be in love with" a fake Jewish guy (a stranger, at that) in the very same synagogue in which I had married my real husband. This whole picture was wrong, wrong, and wrong.

As usual, I was nice and took direction—except for having to stop and ask the wardrobe stylist for water and mints, which made the big-time New York photographer accuse me of being a prima donna. My fake husband didn't say a word, and... you do the math—two hours of kissing and hugging with no water. Let's just say that I can't be the one accused of bad breath and sweat. :O##

Well, that was it. I broke my vows to my real husband for $$$$. I felt terrible. The worst part was going out to dinner that night with a bunch of friends, trying to forget the whole day, until—you guessed it—my fake Jewish husband showed up at the SAME restaurant with his girlfriend. Talk about uncomfortable!

"Howard, meet Tony, my fake husband"

"Melinda, meet xxxxxx, my girlfriend."

Yep. That was fun—also a night that made me realize that modeling was NOT my future career... again.

Which brings me to this last weekend, when I went back down that uncomfortable path by participating in a fashion show. I had only one reason for getting up in front of strangers in clothes that were (how shall I put this) not picked out for my body type and strutting my stuff on stage. It was worth it for one reason and one reason only: Hope Chest and Barbera Hensley. (That sounds like two reasons, but it's really not. Barbara founded Hope Chest in 2002, after losing her oldest sister to breast cancer.)

FYI: The highlight of the show was modeling along side Grandma B (the Cutie Pie Mom of JEROME BENTON AND TERRY LEWIS) and having a lot of money raised for the Dear and Lovely Barbara Hensley & her Hope Chest for Breast Cancer.

The low part was being told by the "professional" MODEL that my tags were hanging out — to which I responded by saying, "Thank you. I am not a pro, so I appreciate your help." Of course, I wasn't too crazy about having to show my spandex to let all the woman know that I, too, have flaws; but the cream cheese and bagel breakfast gave me no choice. It was spandex or popped buttons. :-)

<sup>photo by Jessica Hegland,

Hair by Jon Richards. Make up by Leilani Baker, Make up Artist Goddess. Wardrobe from Melly's Closet of Phases: Dress-BADGLEY MISCHKA-purchased at the DAYTON'S 2day warehouse sale during my lunch break at KSTP TV. Price for me to know and you not! Shoes: don't have a clue because someone stole them from me when I took them off to dance at some random club downtown.</sup>

I am so sick and tired of people making fun of people they assume do not have an appreciation or sophistication for the FINER THINGS IN LIFE. I have had the great PRIVILEGE of traveling to places most people only dream of, eating food that makes my mouth feel like it's having a big old party in there, and best of all, seeing beautiful ARTWORK every day. So what is my problem?

I am sorting through a lot of "things" right now that are valuable and deciding what I should do with them. I am in no hurry to sell anything, but I am in a hurry to make sure the right people are given some of the great privilege that I have been given all of my life so I can put the same smile on their faces that they have put on mine.

So when I recently met with "X" and expressed my frustration and confusion over starting this process, I was given that "look" of disgust when I was talking to her about ART. Apparently, being the unsophisticated person that I am, I was not using proper "Art Speak" while I was talking.

Who made this random person the "Chief of Art Speak"? I will tell you who did. SHE did. And since I am now "Chief of the things that I have been blessed with," that gives me the right to say that she can go take a flying leap, and I hope that her perfect hair looks the same wet as when it's dry. I am guessing it probably looks more along the lines of something a bunch of rats would enjoy calling home.

Insult after insult, I sat there and took it like a trooper, and then I got in my car (paid for with my own money) and went home and looked around my house, appreciating even more the beautiful ART that my husband and I have.

As to the kind of ART that we enjoy looking at every day, it consists mostly of My Mother's artistic genius.

The so-called valuable pieces that Mrs. "Snotty Butt" would love to impress her Clients with will be given to people in my life who DESERVE the choice as to whether or not they want to hang the work on their walls or sell it on E-Bay.

I found it beyond comprehension that I was being frowned on because I was not B.S.ing my way with small talk and essentially saying what comes natural to me. In other words, I was being Melinda Jacobs, the person who wakes up the same way every day with hair that is starting to gray from wasting MY VALUABLE time on phony baloneys.

So, where the heck am I going with this?

Remember, blogging — thank god — is still one of the few ways that we can ALL express the person who we really are without a certain code of conduct. That is why I love it. In fact, I am passionate about it! It's ART to ME.

What is beautiful to you, what wakes you up in the morning and gets your heart pumping, your energy going... that feeling of Passion is truly your choice. And if someone tries to diminish that or hurt you, just because they think they know more than you or are better than you, here is my suggestion:

Next time you get "the look" for being authentic and being yourself, look that person straight in the eye and say "Boobies." It has done a lot for me in being able to weed out the phonies and reel in some treasures of pure gold.

Enjoy the picture of this statue that I have sitting in my office. That is a piece of ART that may have dollar signs on it, but to me it's not only a metaphor of my life but a priceless one in so many ways.

By the way, it's for sale.
(I am kidding.)

—Melinda Jacobs

In a previous blog I said that I would share with you some pictures from my Mexican Cruise when I receive them.

Well, to be honest, I was given them a few weeks ago but was hesitant to share them.

After going back and forth with what I should do with this one photo, I realized that if a woman is willing to get naked in front of a SHIP-load of people, then who am I to not share the picture that she obviously wanted people to see.

So here is a photo that will delight anyone who has appreciation for a woman with a great body who doesn't care who sees it.

Maybe someday I, too, will get naked in public. But it probably won't happen unless I am in a foreign country where people don't make a big deal about not wearing clothes — and where cameras are not allowed!

^{AP photo by Richard Drew}

I have been waiting to blog because my topics have changed several times over the last few weeks.

After settling into what is now my new place of business (Jacobs' Trading Company), it dawned on me that before I blog about the self-serving topic of working at the same place as my spouse, I should cover Kathie Lee pulling a fast one and returning to morning TV.

And of course, I had to watch the first couple of days as an objective TV viewer before giving my two cents.

Now, let me preface my blog with this: Over the years, I have spent time with Kathie Lee, her husband Frank (who always smells good), and her well-mannered, now grown-up children Cody and Cassidy.

There, I divulged that I may be biased and non-objective in this blog post. Clearly, you know at this point that I am NOT TRYING to pretend that my training in journalism with a personal coach worked, nor did the boring writing classes, so let's all just move on with it, shall we?

Like the rest of the world, I watched Kathie Lee come out on her first day with her head held high, looking healthy, beautiful, and more content than I have ever seen in all my years of knowing her.

In Kathie's own words, she has gained 10 pounds since her last go-around on TV. And since I, too, have enjoyed my way through 10 extra pounds in the last few years, I think it's safe for me to say that stress=thin=looking old, and stress free=curves=looking younger.

If I didn't know Kathie's real age I would say she looks younger than her co-host, Hoda, and it's not due to plastic surgery and fake hair. In fact, I would venture to say that it's probably a case of good meals and conversation on the home front. Yes there is a cryptic message in there, so I better get back on point.

It came as no surprise to me that Kathie Lee was not only on her game for her national re-emerging but she — as the young ones say — Rocked It!

What really set me off were the reviews that Kathie got from TV critics. Many of her harshest critics (women) were pleased with her "performance." It was the others (men) that were just plain mean.

Why? In my opinion it's because god forbid a woman be 56 years old and be looked at in the same way as, say, a 25-year-old — in a business where your outer shell comes first and what is on in the inside is only secondary.

Yeah, yeah, I know what some of you are thinking — is this the same woman who used her name to do endorsement deals for laser hair removal and plastic surgery? Guilty as charged, but that girl has left the country and does not plan to return. :-)

Which brings me to the disgust I felt when I was about to fall asleep and heard on the TV, in the background, Kathie Lee being associated with "old farts."

When is the last time that tabloid TV shows (TMZ) have referred to a 56-year-old experienced MALE TV veteran as "an old fart"? I think it's time the old cocky lawyer/want-to-be TV star got his eyes checked, because he is NO prize to look at it and could use a good teeth whitening!

So I am going to give you my personal opinion on Kathie Lee Gifford, from someone who has spent time with her over the years and admired her tenacity to hold her head up high when most people would crawl under the sheets and go away, never to return.

Kathie Lee is a woman that has been through what now up to 70 percent of all married people experience, and that is infidelity. The media acted like preying vultures over fresh raw meat when the Tabloids thought it would be "FUN" to set up the husband of a successful woman and see if he would take the bimbo bait.

How do these people sleep at night?

You have a woman, and a mom, whose only fault was to share with the world that marriage and raising children can be done at the same time as having a career and once in a while giving TMI.

You have a woman that was joyful and happy about the same milestones we all, as parents, feel — but with a much bigger audience and in a much more public way. So what?!

Are there that many people out there that are so unhappy in their own lives that is makes them feel better to smack down someone who means well, just because she wakes up in the morning and is happy?

I, for one, would much rather be entertained by someone who has a naughty sense of humor (which Kathie does) than by some miserable old bats that are pissed off at the world because they don't have something that other people do.

I will share with you this one story that sticks in my head: I was in Florida with family, having brunch with Kathie and her family. Unlike most moms taking their daughters to the restroom to do their business, Kathie had half the women in the place (without their daughters) following her to the restroom. Instead of drawing the line at giving her a little space with Cassidy, all of these STRANGERS lined up with cameras in tow to take snapshots and inquire about mundane things (which you just don't do); and instead of doing what most of us would have done, which is to swat people and yell at them to back off, Kathie was gracious and funny, letting these STRANGERS know
that she was in Mom mode but really did appreciate that they took "THEIR" time to come and share some space with her even if it was in the BATHROOM.

I called a friend of mine, who is a successful MAN in TV and whose opinion I value, to ask what he thought of Kathie Lee's return to TV. HIS words sum up not only Kathie Lee's return but, hopefully, the trend in good and entertaining TV: "Bravo. I think it's great, and it shows that TV is going back to its roots and using what was successful before, again."

I can only hope this time around all of the vultures will stay at bay and let this still beautiful and kind-hearted woman be well-liked again, without trying to destroy the myth that women who have a happy home life can have a happy and prosperous work life too.

Go get 'em, Kathie!!!!!!!!