The daily digest of Twin Cities culture | Secrets of the City

So now we're freakin' enough for a KARE11 Extra? Batten down the hatches, the world of dining is under siege! There's nothing but tater-tot hot dish on the horizon ... why have we been forsaken?

Good God. Three restaurants closed. It does not signify the coming apocalypse.

Franks-a-Million closed. Remember how the city burned and any self-respecting hot dog lover fled for the first Chicago-bound commuter flight? Oh, the hot-dog draught and how we never recovered from it! Except for Uncle Franky's. And the Bulldog. And Joey D's.

And then Goodfellows closed. Remember the homeless fine-diners, wandering the streets aimlessly searching for foie and white table-cloths? Remember how all the hotels boarded up and everyone stayed locked in their homes for 362 consecutive days? It was sad how no one wanted to carry on. Except at La Belle Vie. Or The Oceanaire. Or WA Frost. Or Mission. Or Vincent.

But now, now some Vaunted Independents have closed. Farms are converting to parking lots and co-ops are becoming strip clubs. There absolutley IS no future for an innovative cook who just wants to put out some humbly fine fare. Except at 112 Eatery. Or Restaurant Alma. Or Willie's Wine Bar. Or Heartland. Or Lucia's. Or Spoonriver. Or Cafe 128. Or Corner Table. Or Fugaise.

Sophia closed, say goodbye to music. Chico Chica closed, that's the end of spice my friends. Awada's closed, no more suburban dining, it's over. Tiburon closed, we hate Aruba.

I went through the restaurant database recently, and cleared out 38 restaurants that had closed or changed hands. That's 38 plus the ones I'd done immediately upon closing over the last two or so years. 38+

Because that's what restaurants do, they open and close. They ride the tide or they fail as businesses. They are businesses, and chefs need to be managers as well as artists.

But where was all the media fanfare for the last 38? Why didn't they inspire such "warnings" about the state of our fair cities? In fact it might be interesting to check out the doomsayers' annual review columns from the last two years. If our dining climate has been souring so much, how could they have possibly written a positive word?

The only reason the recent three got so much attention is because they were media darlings and it's Jan/Feb and we're stapled to our warm computers. No doubt, we hate to see our friends go, but everyone needs to stop slapping our towns around for not being good enough to support them.

We are. They weren't good enough for us.

Please. Everyone, shut up already. Including me.