The Rake Magazine

New Year's Eve sucks! If only because a) you cannot safely drive anywhere that night because there are so many drunks on the road and b) after one measly cocktail, you cannot safely drive anywhere that night because there are so many cops on the road. But it's our lofty expectations that really spoil the night. So far in our scavenging for the perfect New Year's plans, the boyfriend and I haven't found anything that fits our fancies. Of course, pegging the right plans is impossible when you've got both a snob and a booze-hounding, but babelicious, Average Joe to please. We had been considering the party some of my friends are going to, which is in a gallery above Lurcat. But the Evite provided a link to Flickr.com, which had photos from last year's happening. All the men were dancing with their shirts off; the women were not. Boyfriend winced and suggested we go to the beer bash in his high school buddy's New Brighton garage. Nope!

Here are some other options:

If you want to be in the company of naughty people
New Year's Eve In Heaven. This event is brought to you by Vox Medusa, the very folks who sponsored that famous Nudes party at Jeune Lune a few years back. Through personal connections (I worked at Jeune Lune at the time), I was able to lineup a gig bartending at their party. It all started out just fine--nude performance art and aerialists performing with their shirts off. But, from my perspective, things quickly went south, with every farm-fed blonde having striped off her shirt by 11 p.m. My personal favorite was the gorgeous 18-year-old dancer who, I presume, was performing somewhere about the building that night. He repeatedly made trips to the bar to purchase Red Bull. On his last visit, while waving his left hand in the air, revealing the big, red I'm-not-allowed-to-drink X marked there, and looking directly at me, he asked when the barstaff would be undressing.

Swanky people
Que Fiesta! A Five Star New Year's Eve Party. This is The Rake's very own throwback event, with dancing to the Volare Loung Orchestra, martinis, champagne, poker, and more. You're supposed to go all-out; get dressed up.

Standing-in-place-nodding-their-heads-to-the-beat people
Mark Mallman is playing the Varsity, and his guests are Vicious Vicious and Solid Gold.

Single people
Can you tell I'm getting tired of this? From what I understand, my friend Bridgette has met a single man or two at the annual International Market Square party. To sweeten the pot, The New Congress, which is one of The Rake's favorite bands, is playing the party this year. I must admit however, that things haven't worked out between Bridgette and these men. The guy she's currently dating was met at the gym, which brings us, full circle, to our prospects for January 1. Happy New Year!

Tonight, the Bell Museum's Science on Screen series features State of Weightlessness, a 1994 documentary that pairs archival footage of early Soviet space travel with the reflections of various cosmonauts on being in Space. Our friend Colin Covert likes it very much.

From the moment I met him, which was a couple years ago now, I knew there was something familiar about my Rakish coworker Brad Zellar. He looked an awful lot like the musician Martin Zellar, the guy my high school friends used to follow around to beer bashes and the Taste of Minnesota concerts. It occurred to me sometime later: these two talented fellows even share a last name. Hmpf. In any case, Martin Zellar is gigging in beautiful Excelsior, Minnesota this evening. This strikes me as another of those mirthful most-wonderful-time-of-the-year entertainment offerings, although, as far as I know, the show's not expressly holiday-themed.

A moment of silence in honor of the Godfather of Soul ... ... ... By chance, I was listening to this fine James Brown-inspired band at about the moment lightning struck.

Also, go see Dream Girls. I got very excited about it after reading David Denby's hyperbolic review in the Dec. 25/Jan. 1 issue of the New Yorker--"The sigh you will hear across the country in the next few weeks is the sound of a gratified audience: a great movie musical has been made at last." Now, I wouldn't pile on the praise quite that generously, if only because the cinematography during Effie's showpiece, "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going," was shameful. I found that the music, however, was perfect holiday fare.

I'm signing off early for the holiday this year. Wracked as I am by last-minute shopping lists and Catholic guilt, I'm afraid I'll need an extra day to physically and mentally prepare. I will, however, arrive back in Minneapolis on the evening of December 25, when I'll carry-on the long-held tradition of meeting my friends at Liquor Lyle's for some decompression. In the meantime, for those staying back, there's a decent lineup of concerts these next few days: Soul Asylum, The Steeles and Peter Ostroushko, Heiruspecs. If you've got family in town (you know, that mom who's just dying to go downtown for a show), you might consider The Altar Boyz, a funny musical that spoofs Christian boy bands, or Hurricane on the Bayou, a new Omni film at the Science Museum. I caught the preview of Hurricane a few weeks back, and I sort of dug it, thanks to the contributions made by New Orleans musicians Tab Benoit and Allen Toussaint. Not that I didn't appreciate the film's resounding message--the need to restore Gulf Coast wetlands. It's just that the sweet sounds of New Orleans-style blues were fairly distracting.