The Rake Magazine

Get with the program, health-care providers of America, and get a clue about the prices you ascribe to your services. While you're at it, we wouldn't mind if you went so far as to tell us the costs upfront. Yes, yes; I know the industry if rife with corruption--er, negotiated discounts--and, in fact, the prices are subject to much (much!) change. But here's the thing: Very many of your customers are paying out of pocket nowadays.

For example, me! At this morning's 8:20 a.m. dental appointment (I'd saved enough dough in my HSA), I stumbled into a hundred-dollar situation: Apparently, they've got these five-year, full-facial X-rays for which they insert a progression of plastic doodads and snap a dozen-odd pics all around your face.

"What's different here?" I asked the hygienist on the fifth or sixth take. I get an X-Ray every year or so (I know these run me an extra thirty bucks), but I didn't recall it ever being so elaborate before. It was at this point that, finally, I learned I was getting the Cadillac five-year, full-facial X-Ray and, even better yet, the hygienist assured me: "The insurance company treats them just like panoramic X-rays."

"I don't have dental insurance," I uttered icily--or as icy as I could be with a damned bite-guard in my mouth. I mean, who has dental insurance anymore? That's, like, so-oo passé.

I won't bore you with the details of my temper tantrum, but I will say this: I've got decent chompers and would've passed on the hundred-dollar-plus X-Ray had I known about it upfront. This is akin to the time I took my junker Volkswagen for an oil change, only to learn, upon picking it up later in the day, that they'd replaced the $800 timing belt while they were at it, too. What gives?

So, it sucks to park the car on Hennepin Avenue in the winter - scaling the piles of snow hardened into ice, trying not to fall against (or under) the filthy auto, hoping that busses and SUVs will not take the car door off (or at least slow down if they do) when you get get the frozen lock unlocked ... it especially sucks getting into/out of a car parked on Hennepin when you're toting a 10-month-old, however good-natured, and all of his attendant baggage. It sucks to do this at least twice daily, which you do when you don't have any other place to put the car.

But that's not the source of my outrage for the purposes of this here post. The outrage was sparked the other day, once the baby and I were safely settled in the car (frozen, poorly designed car seats in frozen cars ... there's a topic for another post) and driving this car on Hennepin toward Calhoun Square. Shortly we came upon a woman on a bicycle.

That's not the source of my outrage, either. I'm totally pro-bicycle. I especially have to hand it to people who ride their bikes in winter - we should all be so virtuous. But I do have to mention that people who bike on icy thoroughfares like Hennepin - sans helmets - are, in a word, nuts. Or stupid. Hennepin is already narrow, and it's made narrower still with those aforementioned frozen snow piles on either side. And if the conditions are icy for cars, might they be even more so for bicycles?

But I'll hold back on the outrage there, even. As a pro-bicyclist, I believe that bicyclists own the roads, too. They can ride wherever they want, and if they want to take their lives into their own hands by not wearing a helmet and by riding on busy, icy streets, that's their business.

So where is the outrage already? OK: The outrage comes in because there was also a child riding on the bike, behind the woman (who was, let's presume, the mother of the child).

A bit more outrage comes because this mother had apparently decided to make things "safer" for the child by putting a helmet on her - but she wasn't wearing one herself. So your kid can become a motherless quadriplegic but hey, at least she might possibly retain some or even all of her mental faculties should a collision occur on icy, busy, narrowed-by-frozen-piles-of-snow Hennepin.

This idea of helmets-for-kids-but-not-their-parents is akin to another source of outrage: How politicians fall all over themselves to be pro-health insurance for children -- but not their parents. So little Susie can have her annual checkup and/or cancer treatment, but Susie's insurance-less mom? She might die because she ignores some health problem or she might go into financial ruin dealing with said health problem, because she doesn't have health insurance -- leaving Susie physically healthy (by some standards) but motherless and/or living in abject poverty.

But I digress, having delivered most but not all of the outrage. There are a couple more bits.

Bit #1: Watching as this helmet-less mom-with-child runs a red light on her bike on the aforementioned icy, busy, narrowed-by-frozen-piles-of-snow Hennepin.

Bit #2: Spotting the same mother and child, 45 minutes later, riding the other way on Hennepin -- and this time, they've taken on another pint-sized passenger. Somebody get me a Rolaids.

This afternoon, actor Heath Ledger — of Brokeback Mountain, A Knight's Tale, and more recently of I'm Not There fame — was found dead in his Manhattan apartment, allegedly (for a time) an apartment in Mary Kate's building. Yes, that's right, one of the Full House twins.

[[That's how rich the old gal is — not an apartment, but a building. Dressing young girls these days pays. Who's going to say "No" to daddy's little girl? I want. I want. Ok, hun. Train 'em young.]]

The facts — as reported on the internet (sometimes this clarification is necessary):

• He was found in Mary Kate's building.
• Mary Kate is one whacked out gal, with quite a dark cloud around her.
• [[I can no longer find the info about Mary-Kate's apartment, leading me to believe either she has the world's greatest publicist, or the New York Times made an oops.]]
• Ledger was found naked and unconscious on the floor near a bed.
• A bottle of pills was found on the bedside table.
• The bottle contained both prescription and non-prescription pills.
• The masseuse was on the way.
• Ledger left behind a child. [[Probably should have left the pills alone. If a child ain't a reason to live, then.... ]]
• Ledger expressed "dissatisfaction" with his own work.
• Kurt Cobain also expressed "dissatisfaction" with his own work. I heard the two compared today.
• (Ledger would have made an AWESOME Joker!)
• Legder was working on a Terry Gilliam film.
• Johnny Depp almost went crazy working with Gilliam on Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
• Gilliam is from Minnesota.
  
  

You take it from here...

Read these stories.

TMZ — they have multiple posts.
Times
UPI
Observer
Yahoo News

I just picked up my two children from their school-supported daycare, at which time a young woman put her finger in the air and motioned for me to have a moment with her. I stepped aside and proceeded to listen to her complain that my son had been calling her, and other students and teachers, "sweetheart." She told me that she and some of the other students did not appreciate it, and that this behavior was unacceptable.

I know my face must have resonated with a "you must be fucking kidding" look. Sweetheart! He's five. If it is not endearing and humorous, it certainly cannot be very disruptive.

I wanted to to tell her that "bitch" and "my ass" are bad words, but "sweetheart" has no malice. One can deduce bad intent if it comes from a greasy man at a bar, but my son is a cute 43-pound Guatemalan boy. (By the way, when I asked him to get on the scale, he said, "OK, honey.")

I am so taken aback that this women has nothing better to do than to rat on a little boy who is trying to be funny. I informed her that there are a lot more destructive behaviors to focus on than a child saying "sweetheart." This daycare worker just would not let it go. She argued that if she or any children did not want to be called sweetheart by my son, he should follow their wishes, and that this needed to be addressed.

I don't know what makes me more angry — the fact that this woman is just being STUPID (a word my son is not using) or the long-term effect of not letting a five-year-old be OK with who he is. What's next? Not using the word "love" or "friend"? No, I know: the word "honey."