The Rake Magazine

A note to all three of you who read my blog, :-)

I always get a knot in my stomach when I hear people talking about people in the public eye like they know them so well.

People love to to tell stories about people who come from families that are in the limelight, but do these people really know the person behind the famous last name? Most likely, NO.

Today, along with many of you, I received the news that Eleanor Mondale's cancer is back. My head tells me that she will get through this with the same strength she did last time, and my heart is happy that she will have her loving husband Chan and her family by her side.

When I first met Eleanor, I had heard so many stories about her that I wasn't sure if we would hit it off or be like oil and water. Well, to say we "hit it off" would be an understatement!

I knew I would like Eleanor when she scolded me for calling her "Ellie" after our second lunch and made me go back with her to her car and put on something more appropriate to wear before I made a complete idiot out of myself at a charity function.

Shortly after spending time with another person who was new in my life, Leilani Baker (a makeup artist extraordinariness), it was clear to me that I had met two woman that would change my life forever. After years of so-called friends in my life, I finally experienced real, honest, and true friendship for the first time.

Let's face it: we woman can be tougher on each other than we are on our worst enemies.

To have not one but TWO female friends that are kind, caring, and filled with complete and total unconditional love is a blessing that I thank God for every day. The stories and the adventures that Leilani, Eleanor, and I have shared, and will CONTINUE to share, are so sacred to me that I can't, in my heart of hearts, come to share those experiences with anyone but my "Two Janes."

So please, DON'T call me if you are from the media and want a quote to sell papers. This friend of Eleanor is going to respect both the public persona AND the cherished, private person who I call "Farmer Jane."

I do, however, want to let Eleanor know publicly that I will be happy to shovel up any horse crap if she only promises to take care of herself and get her butt back on the radio. :-)

FYI: I am saying that I will help with farm chores for the record so that Eleanor can hold me to it.

Love ya, cowgirl!!!!

-Posh Jane :-)

Well, everybody, there is a lot going on right now. Times are... changing.

So, without further ado, here is my blog for the day:

I am feeling guilt and sadness as the many writers who have worked so
hard are out of their jobs, and yet my gut tells me that Mr. Bartel made a very bold and smart business move. So you can either sit on your butt and complain about everything, OR you can accept change and move forward.

Change is frustrating and makes a lot of people angry, but this is
America, my friends, and that means Freedom of Speech, so I am going to put MYSELF out there a little bit and let you read the personal e-mail that I sent Cristina Cordova yesterday BEFORE THE CONFIRMED ANNOUNCEMENT:

I went to the MIA show on Saturday night and lasted, oh, about 15 minutes. My neighbor tracked down my husband and I and gave us the "you should join the Patron Club" speech. After Howard exchanged pleasantries with the neighbors, I got whiplash looking for my Mom in order to get the hell out of there before I ended up committing to another club that would involve me having to stick my nose up in the air and act interested.

On another note, I finally figured out why Jack Nicholson always wears shades: It's because he doesn't want anyone to know that he is actually SLEEPING during awards ceremonies. :-)

The best part of the night was watching Diablo Cody hang on to her dress to keep the slit from rising above her navel. That was worth staying up for!

I would be happy to write a quick blog and review about my
favorite piece: the mini- Mickey Mouse Kimono. I know, Cristina: It's very sad how sophisticated I am. :-(

I hope your day is going well, and I think what The RAKE is
doing, to be honest, is smart.

Make fun, and share your jokes, but this blog-a-drama-princess is willing and ready to get with the times.

Last night I took the above picture of the family dog "Louie" after shedding a few tears. The look on his PRETTY face says it all. :-)

Happy Tuesday,
Melly

Ok, while I sit here in my favorite Karen Neuburger house clothes, it dawned on me that there is no time like the present to talk about why I won't be attending many social functions anymore.

As you may know, I recently turned 40, and along with feeling a little bit older, I feel a little bit wiser and most definitely more comfortable in my own skin.

You see, much of my career has been about going to glamorous events and talking to glamorous people, but it recently dawned on me that I am bored with the whole social — phony, get dressed up, and make nice to a bunch of people that I really don't give a flying f* about — scene.

My favorite social outing is going with my family to Costco and seeing which one of my kids can distract the sample person long enough for me to try to get a double sample, and sometimes — if I am lucky and the kids are really charming — I get a triple sample, which means that while my husband is shopping for deals, I can surprise him with a "Look, honey, I got you something to snack on." It always works so well that when we get to the register he has no idea how many things I have hidden in the cart.

So, what does Costco have to do with being a so-called socialite? Nothing, but at least you get an idea of where my priorities have taken me this past year.

After spending many years actually getting paid to cover social events, I have come to the conclusion that I would rather pay someone else to go than to deal with the superficial B.S. that goes along with many of these unnecessary functions.

Are we not going through a recession? And should I not be saving my money for my children's future? Yeah, I think that would be wise.

Now, I am not going to stop enjoying great restaurants and fun social gatherings, but if it means that I would be better off staying at home and watching "Louie" crack up my husband or having my kids show me how much smarter they are than me, I will clearly take the home front.

Yes, I have been assigned the role of the Rake's Social Butterfly, but I hope that you will understand that I will be picky about whether or not to attend an opening of a restaurant or another event — versus staying at home and trying to cook the pre-packaged food that Trader Joes has on special.

Lastly, I would like to give a shout out to Carolyn Peterson who is THE best female voice-over woman in the business and who inspired me recently, while I was working on a radio commercial, to take a deep breath for six seconds before recording a 60 second spot. Carolyn was the very first person to ever give me a break in the radio biz, and it brings a smile to my face to get to work again with her at Hubbard Broadcasting!

I for one think that to have one day to tell the people you care about how much you love them is nothing more than an opportunity for stores to raise the price of flowers and chocolates to make up for the 364 other days when we don't give our loved ones a special something to brighten up their day.

Don't get me wrong; I think having a day dedicated to Love is a great idea, but I believe that telling the people in your life how much you care about them should not just fall on Valentine's Day.

So to those of you who felt the pressure to go out and pay more for flowers and chocolates to bestow on your loved ones... I have an idea for you.

Save some money and wait for all of the Valentine's Day Hype to wear off. Then give the people in your life a box of divine chocolates or a beautiful floral arrangement when they least expect it.

I could be wrong on this, but chocolate tastes wonderful and melts in your mouth any day of the year, and flowers are always appreciated, especially on a day when you least expect it.

Much love to my husband, kids, and Louie (the family dog) — all of whom make every day Valentine's Day!

 

 

I watched the Grammy Awards last night, but it wasn't Amy Winehouse nor Kanye West I wanted to see perform. My heart belongs to Morris Day and The Time, whose performance I eagerly awaited. I mean, how much fun was it watching Jimmy Jam, Terry Lewis, Jerome Benton, Morris Day, Jesse Johnson, and the rest of the original Time group perform, just like they did 20 years ago, with the same energy and infectious smiles they have always had?

Have these guys aged like the rest of the hit-makers of the early '80s? Hell, no! BETTER. They still made me get up and do the Jungle Love in front of my horrified kids. Hang on. I have to do it one more time. Oh ee, oh ee, oh. (Deep breath.) Dammit, my rhythm still sucks.

Now, it is important that I disclose a few things about my relationship with these guys, so that you know I am not being a biased friend, but more a fan of the group that along with Prince put Minnesota music on the Map.

I first came to know these guys when I was in my late teens looking for a summer job. Through the kindness of mutual friends, I was able to land a job with American Artists (Jesse Johnson's management company), as the head of the Jesse Johnson Fan Club. Like most people starting out as a glorified gopher, I basically answered phones and made sure that Jesse was always happy and taken care of. The one difference was that I had... kind of dated... John McClain, a top executive at A&M Records and the brilliant man behind Jesse's bread and butter. So, while I was making sure that Jesse's favorite chicken wings from Runyon's were being delivered to his house — hot — I was also fielding phone calls from fans and accepting extravagant deliveries from my "friend" John.

Confused? Yea, well, so was I!

John would come into town to do business with Jesse, but he was also overseeing a project that he put together: a Janet Jackson album produced by Jesse's former band-mates Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis. So instead of spending my weekends going to shopping malls, like my friends, I was flown off to California, where I handled Jesse's fans while — better still — being treated like a princess by my... uhh... friend John.

Rough life? No! Confusing? Absolutely. I was dating the man that was responsible for making or breaking all of my bosses. So, I did what any normal young woman would do in this position: I made sure that my bosses knew that I was NOT going to take advantage of the situation. I continued to answer phones, make photocopies, set up Jesse's schedule, and so on. But as soon as John would call, I took full advantage of being treated like a real Jewish Princess.

Well, after a long and hard reality check, I realized that I was very young — too young to be involved in a serious relationship with anyone, so my time as John's girl slowly came to a halt. And although I quit the gopher job, I did stay friends with Jesse and the rest of the crazy crew who went on to make Janet Jackson a household name and establish themselves as the top production team of Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis, otherwise known as Flyte Tyme Productions.

To this day, I still keep in contact with Jimmy, who married the beautiful Lisa and has three ridiculously gorgeous kids; Terry, who also married his love Indira and is proud papa to a whole team of great kids; and Jerome Benton, who drives a limo for celebrities in Los Angeles when he is not performing — and who SHOULD HAVE HIS OWN REALITY SHOW ON VH-1!

What is so bizarre to me is that Terry's oldest son was my son's Senior buddy when he was a little tyke, and his daughter and my daughter have been friends since kindergarten without even knowing that their parents knew each other way back in the '80s, when life was big, crazy, and whole lot of Jungle Love!!! Until NOW...

As far as John goes... I am told that he has continued to be successful in the music business and that it is HE who I have to thank for my fondness and appreciation of Orchids and Louis Vuitton.