The Rake Magazine

Of course, this will be a personal list. If you have a hankering to mention a particularly tasteful or -less gift of your own, please comment below.

WORST

1. Body Fat Scale (from one fat ass to another?) On Christmas evening, after I'd had my fill of sugar cookies, at the most inopportune moment, I opened a body-fat scale marked "From Santa." Quickly programming the thing with my height (5' 5.5") and gender, I hopped aboard and was horrified to read its measure: thirty-seven-percent fat. However, if I program myself as an "athletic woman," it puts me at only twenty-four. And when I weighed-in as a man? Ten. And if you sleep it off and try for better the next morning? Eighteen. Needless to say, I can't stand the fucking thing.

2. Portraits. Is it really appropriate to give framed portraits of your lovely children to the single, childless aunt who once walked away from an engagement to a hot, wonderful man (thus causing suspicions about her sexual preferences) and who, furthermore, lives in a 600-square-foot box? I don't have room for that shit ... in my apartment or in my frozen-over heart.

BEST

1. In Vogue. A coffee-table book providing a comprehensive history of Vogue magazine, with plenty of images, beginning with the illustrated covers of the 1890s through the '40s and moving into the magazine's heyday, from about 1950 through the mid '80s.

2. 20 Questions Game. This handheld, battery-operated doodad asks you to think of an object and then, after asking twenty questions, guesses what it is - and with amazing accuracy. I've found it to be a colossal, but nonetheless delightful, waste of time. Already, I've identified its weak points: food things and anything feminine other than bra and panties.

Don't think all the Hillary Clinton hullabaloo has gone unnoticed by the likes of me. Truth be told, I've been very busy at work this work, whereas my inner life has been consumed by a rage caused, for one, by the MPD's horrific, paramilitary-style antics, but also by the revelation that certain political conservatives hate older women.

OK, that's not entirely true. In a way, I'm happy Rush et al. so freely expressed their misogyny (and forgive me for failing to link to their rubbish). Now, I can forward their screeds to all my female relatives, thereby turning them into life-long Democrats. 

You see, I don't think an ugly snapshot has necessarily ended Clinton's presidential bid. (Urg, how irritating that I just had to fight an urge to refer to her by first name!) Rather, I think aging-and being criticized for your physical characteristics-is something that profoundly affects each and every woman. Most of us were held under the microscope at an early age. In my case, the tormentors fixed on my massive head of unruly, frizzy hair. The offshoot is that I, and almost every other woman alive, have a particular sensitivity about my appearance. In fact, I spend an embarrassing amount of time in front of the bathroom mirror most mornings, just staring at the constellation of wrinkles that increasingly lines my face. But no matter how much we women preen, pluck, or otherwise tend to our looks, we're fully aware that these are essentially shallow pursuits. Being hot won't make us happy. It won't make us smart. Sure, we miss our beauty as it fades, but we don't necessarily miss all the catcalls a walk down the street would inspire when we were in our teens and early twenties. Looks aren't everything, guys! Pfft!!

Anyhoo, much as we women like attracting (and deflecting) positive male attention, we're also extremely sensitive to their mean-spirited attacks on our appearances. Look, Clinton looks a whole lot better than most of us look, or will look, at sixty years of age. Most women can only hope to look half this beautiful. Remember the way you reacted when your high-school boyfriend remarked that Winona Ryder looked sort of chubby in Heathers? Realizing she was, like, wa-ay thinner than you were, you then turned to him, clicked your tongue, and screamed at the top of your lungs: "That's just a roundabout way of calling me fat!" OK, so maybe that was just me ... But the point is this: An attack on one (of our faces) is an attack on all (of our faces). Heck, the way I see it, all those conservative blowhards just inspired a boatload of empathy from the 2008 presidential campaign's most important voting block: WOMEN!

P.S. Here's a thoughtful piece on the matter from Salon.com.

Last weekend, in the Sunday Times, one of the meatiest, most interesting Style articles was found ... in the business section. I also liked the ETSY profile in the Times magazine, but that's a different matter-one that, I'm afraid, nearly inspired a very long, boring post about my preference for receiving hand-made Christmas gifts. In any case, the long and the short of the business section piece was this: Shoppers tend to hang on to the niftiest of their shopping bags. This inspired a reflection on my own stash:

I purchased a beautiful pair of earring from this Parisian boutique back in 2003, but lost the earrings soon after returning aux etats-unis. The bag, however, hung around. For a good year and a half, I used it to tote my lunch. But when I realized it was starting to fray, I retired the bag to a safe place.

I scored a $39 dress at Tracey Reese in NYC last summer. Like the dress, love this bag, which is made of a durable cardstock. I've used the thing twice for carrying items to and fro dinner parties.

Any local bags in the collection?

Stephanie's, in St. Paul's Highland Park neighborhood, has a decent bag.

Alfred's, R.I.P., had these flimsy but cu-ute bags.

The Design Collective seems to be hand stamping theirs, thus appealing to the aforementioned affinity for handmade.

Uh, Target makes a good bag for taking out the recycling.

Whew, it's been such a busy week as we've put finishing touches on our January issue (and we're not done yet) that I almost forgot to tell ya: The Voltage 2008 designers were announced recently. (Yes, yes, by now it's old hat ... )

Here they are, in any case - a who's-who of great local designers: Amanda Christine, Annie Larson, Belle, Calpurnia Peach, George Moskal, Laura Fulk, Katherine Gerdes, Kristina Bell, Max Lohrbach, Pomije, Red Shoe Clothing Co., and my pal, Russell Bourrienne. There are, of course, both familiar and unfamiliar names in this lineup. I'm very pleased to see the reappearance of my two fave local designers, Katherine Gerdes and George Moskal. And I'm glad to see the addition of Bourrienne, a menswear maven, too.

This annual mash-up of local music and fashion is the definitive Minneapolis fashion event, friends. And it's actually a juried affair, so it can be tough for designers to get in.

As the April 16 Voltage event nears, I'll be sure to lend a few how-to's. This can be a very tough one to navigate if you are, like me, sort of old, sleepy, and crabby about standing on First Ave.'s concrete dance floor for hours on end. A good primer can be had at the Voltage preview event which, this year, is scheduled for February 7. If you care to experience (or relive) Voltage 2007, then click here.

Well, one highlight of the weekend was stopping by Anna Lee's Ruby3 trunkshow. As I mentioned previously, Ms. Lee is best known for her sculptural, showgirl-style hats, like this one, which she made of Big Bird feathers leftover from a production of Sesame Street Live:

By the way, that's the lovely Ms. Di Medlock of Electricoiffer demonstrating ...

Of course, these aren't the most practical things-unless you find yourself invited to, say, a high-society British wedding. So, I was delighted to find the first of Lee's Minnesota-friendly winter headdresses. Here, for example, is a very functional wrap:

You can't tell from the humdrum pic, but these are furry, rather outrageous things-statement pieces, if you will. But the best thing about 'em, if you ask me, is that the innards are made of fleece. No more pimply foreheads courtesy of an itchy collection of wool hats. I bought the blue one below. If you want your own, they're available for purchase at the Design Collective.