The Rake Magazine

Wow. That game featured a dozen different kinds of ugly. It was ugly enough --particularly if you happen to be one of the Tampa Bay Devil Rays' 117 fans-- that it almost managed to make Big Sid Ponson look pretty. You know, pretty in a greasy, WWF bad guy sort of way.

But, what the hell, let's throw Siddhartha a bone while we still can: that was a serviceable impersonation of a Major League pitcher, and who knows how many times we'll be able to say that.

The Devil Rays are a young, often laughably bad team right now, but they have been able to score runs; even after tonight's blowout they've still managed to outscore the Twins (127-124). They've also given up 171 runs, the most in the majors by a large margin. Despite that fact they remain tied with the Yankees for last place in the east. We should all take satisfaction in that while we can.

The Rays beat Johan Santana, though, and they beat-up on Joe Nathan. They haven't quite figured out the crafty Sid, however; both of his wins have come against Tampa Bay, and tonight's performance (7 IP, 5 hits, 2 walks, 5 strikeouts, and one earned run) was actually good enough that it almost made it possible to root for the guy.

Almost.

Be honest, though: even after the Twins built an early lead, didn't you pretty much take it for granted that Sidney would cough it up? It was almost shocking to see him go back out there for the seventh.

After the last couple games Minnesota's marketing people must be breathing a big sigh of relief. It was a serious risk to expend so much capital on the whole piranha shtick, particularly when the club has the reigning MVP, Cy Young Award winner, and batting champion. I'll be damned, though, if that game wasn't an example of piranha ball at its ferocious, shin-kicking best.

The Twins have now lost three of Johan Santana's last four starts, which would be disastrous were it not for the surprising performances of Ramon Ortiz and Carlos Silva.

Everybody, of course, is just figuring that anything positive that Santana can give the team in April is gravy, given his slow starts in recent seasons. I think that's about the right way to look at it, and it's sort of easy to look at it that way when the team has had an erratic April and is still 14-11 and in second place in the Central. It's easy to look at it that way when two of the big rotation question marks coming out of spring training have thus far silenced critics.

There was no reason to expect that the team that lost five-out-of-six to Kansas City and Cleveland would go to Detroit and take two-out-of-three, but therein lies the basic truth about baseball: there's really never any reason to expect anything, other than the unexpected. The Twins' season has already had more highs and lows than a Hold Steady record, but they're sitting in pretty good shape as they head to Tampa Bay for what should --should-- be a little breather (it won't be, of course, if only because Sidney Ponson takes the hill in the opener) before heading into one of the toughest stretches of the first half: a homestand featuring series with Boston, Chicago, and Detroit, and then a three-game set at Jacobs Field.

Today's game --a 4-3 loss on a Brandon Inge walk-off homer against the struggling Jesse Crain-- demonstrated how much the Twins depend on their middle of the order guys. Gardenhire shook up the lineup; Punto led off, and Bartlett hit second, and they were on base five times, but didn't score any runs owing to the fact that Mauer, Cuddyer, and Morneau were a combined 0-10.

So far '07 is looking like a repeat of last season in that the three-through-six guys in the batting order (Mauer, Cuddyer, Morneau, and Hunter) are the top four on the team in both RBI and runs scored.

As far as Crain's wretched April goes, I'm not going to get too concerned until we get a couple more months out of the way. He was awful last April as well (12 IP, 20 hits allowed, and a 7.50 ERA).

Four runs is the magic number in baseball. If you look at the way things break down year in and year out, the team that scores four runs or more wins the vast majority of its games.

The Twins have now scored three or fewer runs in four straight games (all losses), and are on their way to their fifth straight as I type. Not counting today, they are now 3-8 when they've scored four or fewer runs.

The pitching hasn't been great --too many long innings, too much nibbling, too many pitches, too many base runners, too many early deficits-- but the offense has squandered opportunity after opportunity in every game. We've seen lousy at bats (and a seemingly endless series of broken bats), misfortune (and stupidity) on the base paths, non-existent clutch hitting, and stranded runners galore. It has been very, very painful to watch.

You can go ahead and write off the offensive frustrations as an early slump, and I do expect the Twins will eventually snap out of it. Still, I do believe it's not too early to conclude that the team needs to shake things up at the top of the order. Alexi Casilla is an entertaining player, but at present --with the exception of speed-- he possesses none of the requisites of a leadoff hitter. He's a bottom-of-the-order guy. Nick Punto? He's a bottom-of-the-order guy.

At the moment, unfortunately, the Twins roster is full of bottom-of-the-order guys, and the middle-of-the-order guys are either scuffling or producing in a vacuum.

Bottom line: everybody's pressing, and it sucks.

What do you think are the priorities for management at this point, other than obviously getting some of the walking wounded back in the lineup? At what point do they give up on Ponson and fly somebody in from Rochester? And given that staff in Rochester, who gets the first call? Is it time for Terry Ryan to start thinking about trading some of that AAA pitching talent (Scott Baker) for some offense? If so, who do they trade (Scott Baker) and what could they get (for Scott Baker)?

How often do you suppose a guy could put up a pitching line like Boof did today (five IP, three hits, and seven walks) and leave a game without surrendering any runs? I'm just going to guess not very often. Seriously, that was a thing of wretched beauty: seven walks and eight strikeouts in five innings.

What the hell is up with these ridiculous two-game series?

And what the hell happened to that team that swept three from Seattle on the road?

Beats me. After stumbling in Kansas City over the weekend the Twins came home and, facing 23-year-old Cleveland pitchers on back-to-back nights, looked anxious and undisciplined at the plate. And as was so often the case in 2005 and early last season, whenever the club is struggling offensively the pitching staff seems to find a way to pitch just poorly enough to lose.

Tuesday's 5-3 loss smarted on a number of levels. The Twins of recent vintage have a history of making guys like Fausto Carmona (another great name) look like Greg Maddux in his prime. Carmona was 1-11 in his short career going into his match-up with Johan Santana, yet the Twins seemed to have no clue against him, and it was a painful thing to watch.

We've also pretty much been able to take Santana for granted, particularly at home, and after being virtually bulletproof in the Dome for several seasons the club's ace has now lost two straight in the Teflon Dump. It's too early to get alarmed, and Santana has been a slow starter in the past, but every time he loses it just tightens the bolts in the ears of the rest of the pitching staff and ramps up the anxiety level all around.

This recent patch of turbulence has definitely raised some questions about the Twins' depth and their dependence on some guys who, last year's performances aside, are still largely unproven. And it's kind of scary to consider how much the club needs the bats of aging veterans Rondell White and Jeff Cirillo in the lineup. When you start to ask questions and guys like White and Cirillo are the best answers you can provide you're heading into some potentially perilous territory.

It's a weird game. Remember that Yankees team that looked so powerful in taking two-of-three from the Twins earlier in the month? They're now in last place in the AL East, half a game behind the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. At least half of the Twins' starting pitchers at Rochester would already be in New York's rotation.

Britt Robson and I have been going back and forth since the season started about the relative merits of Justin Morneau and Cleveland's Grady Sizemore. Britt insists he would swap Sizemore for Morneau in a heartbeat. I'm still not so sure. I am, though, sure that I wouldn't hesitate to pull the trigger on a Travis Hafner/Morneau trade. Who wouldn't?

Ok, that was brutal. And long.

Jesse Crain may have taken the loss --and he was awful-- but you can pin this one on the offense.

Here's the ugliest fine print from the boxscore, and the best indication of the difference between the the two teams in terms of hitting approach: Minnesota pitchers threw 236 pitches; Cleveland's threw 141. Time and again the Indians had long, tough at bats, fouling off pitches and working deep counts. The Twins, meanwhile, were just hacking away, provoking unpleasant flashbacks of 2005.

Though I still don't think the Indians have done enough to shore up their bullpen, you sure wouldn't know it from last night's game.