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Road Rake - Cars by Chris Birt

Grocery Getters That Go

Submitted by Chris Birt on Monday, July 30, 2007

There is a term they bounce around the suburbs called "Grocery Getter." This usually refers to the egregious waste of fuel smallish women (primarily) expend on driving large SUVs to the grocery store.

But not all women drive monster trucks to market. Some actually drive sensible vehicles to far better places like the Organic Farmer's Market on Saturday mornings in Minneapolis. You may consider it fighting commonism before brunch. In fact, why not have Alex Hoag--Mill City Market "driver" so to speak--explain just how cool this place is. (With husband Chuck to add some context.)

Finally, allow me to share three vehicles that will make the drive to and from this market even better:

1) A nice little BMW X3

2) A more robust Mercedes R-350

3) The Mercedes E-class wagon. In AMG trim this is the the world's fastest grocery getter. Eats tires for lunch, too.

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4&5) I am also very high on the latest Mazda CX-series particularly the CX-7 in a nice shade of really, really dark black.) And I've blogged about the 3-Series (in Mazdaspeed trim only), which is an innovative smaller car with room enough to store, if not quite swallow, a weeks worth of produce (organic food is usually smaller in size.)

Why We Fight (Every Day Of The Week)

Submitted by Chris Birt on Sunday, July 29, 2007

I came up with a rule, of sorts, that I would refrain from talking about cars on Sunday. But heh, I am also a modernist (at times) and modernists don't follow every rule (even their own).

Modernism (and schmodernism) aside, here's another way of looking at it. What's a man to do when he spots a Maserati GranSport in the parking lot of a shopping mall? Well then you just have to break your own rules and bring it to your readers.

I trust you will agree.*


FILM NOTES: One of only two Maserati GT Gransports in Minneapolis (I keep calling it a Ferrari).


BONUS FILM NOTES:
Fifteen minutes later, I came across this equally cool ride -- a WS-6 Firebird candied up to 405 RWHP. The owner was a Ranger recently returned from Afghanistan. Here is the car:


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BONUS FILM NOTES: And in this short take, the owner of the Pontiac describes how Porsche drivers are easily emasculated. He also touches on the difference between (this link is a little generous) flywheel and rear wheel horsepower--important to note when you hear a Porsche owner start waxing about his/her wheels. I also answer to one of my own friends on this score at the end of this take--he keeps bugging me to sell one of my cars--a slightly candied up 2003 Mustang Cobra.

(* Not that it matters, but I also went a house of worship today. I notice that Garrison K.-- fountain of morals -- likes to tell us that he goes to church, old-testament-style, too. Good for you, red shoe.)

Car Talk (of the Uncommon Kind)

Submitted by Chris Birt on Saturday, July 28, 2007

Here's something for all you folks reading the Saturday paper (and getting really mad that there is nothing of substance to read) or perhaps streaming that silly show "Car Talk" online.

I say silly in a good way. The two guys are a hoot. However I think they discuss really boring cars for the most part. The Road Rake will bring you car talk that is far less common. Which brings me, once again, to the French.

As I said before, I attended Bastille Day at J. Leune a few weeks back. Once the world catches up to "instant journalism" I would have filed these videos more quickly. And yet, perhaps, French cars are the kind of thing that require patience and understanding. With this mind, let me file, as time permits, some of the interesting things I "raked up" during the Citroen Car Show across the street.

FILM NOTES: This first video is narrated by the Treasurer of The Citroen Car Club of Minnesota. He describes a car light years ahead of its time--the Citroen Traction Avant.




FILM NOTES: The back seat of the Traction Avant. This video does not adequately capture the spaciousness (better yet, capaciousness) of this interior. It really was the first station wagon of sorts. Unibody construction too--unheard of in the 1930s--today everyone does it.

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FILM NOTES: The engine bay of the the Citroen Maserati (the most complicated car of the 70s). This is narrated by a few people and the sound quality is not good. While its a little like watching paint dry, once you understand what you are looking at, and realize the Italians and French tried to do this, you begin to understand madness*

* Focault was a controversial yet brilliant guy. Not mad, mind you, just uncommon.

French Cars. Still Foreign To Me.

Submitted by Chris Birt on Friday, July 27, 2007

Buon Giorno mi amici. Oggi ti vuol parlare come' la macchina franchese.

No mi piace la macchina franchese. La macchina franchese non e' bella. La machina franchese look like the froggie. OK, OK, I am just proving that not all things are foreign to me. I can speak a little Italian (accent on little and bad), and a little Japanese, and I can even say "hello" in Objiwe. Still, some things will always remain a little foreign to me.

Like French cars.

And frankly, because the French are the French, they could care less what I think. (C'est magnifique!) I have always admired their balls for producing cars that remain years ahead of their time, yet something remains so terribly odd about their vehicles.

Of course, odd -- a la Oscar Wilde, Truman Capote, Bill Gates and countless other odd fellows and females in history -- is good. Yet to me, when talking about French cars, still foreign.

In the spirit of full disclosure my dispeptic mood may just stem from the affront I received from the driver of a Citroen CV2 (it may be back, see here) waiting to pull out of the parking lot.

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(He, like, pee-sez me off, and here is what I had to say.)


Wheels for White Folk

Submitted by Chris Birt on Tuesday, July 24, 2007

I am not black. I am white. But here is a topic that is gray. I am talking about the indelible influence of black, urban, "ghetto" culture on white, affluent America. It's a discussion that's been bounced around since Brown, Busing, and the The Black Panthers (Leonard the first was a big fan), yet it never ceases to amaze me.

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A DUB wheel, shinning right back at you.

How else do you explain why a little white woman with her hair pulled back in a pony tail drops off her skinny white kids for soccer games in a barge more suited for a pimp?

I think it's because black people are cool and white people feel left out. Not the little woman in the big black battlewagon, mind you; just most white people whom I call my friends. Like the Ivy Leaguer who recently asked me what a linked called DUB was doing on my blog.

What?

Doncha know what a dub wheel is?

Well then maybe you should. Suddenly you'll discover how it happens to be the only thing that can make a whitebread ride like Lexus even remotely uncommon.

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But then this has more to do with culture than cars.

It's simple questions like these that expose the gap everyone needs to bridge. And just in case you think I am dissing the poor friend that asked me the simple question, you're wrong. She asked it in a manner that leads me to believe that she genuinely did not know what I was talking about (and felt curious). She has a lot of company, I might add. What I do know is that something as simple as the wheels on a car can say something about society.

The good thing is that a very white person asked me a simple question about something that is very black. And it's only when people stop asking these questions that I will start seeing red.

(My eyes are bloodshot by the way. I hope there ain't too many typos in here tonight.)

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