The Rake Magazine

Owing to the tremendous response I received to my previous post "Granola," it seems a further disucssion of mobile foodstuffs is merited.

In my previous post, I decried the propensity of talk radio hosts to demean various foodstuffs and I signled out granola.

I must admit that in the intervening years between colllege and the present my mobile diet has changed for the better. I believe my pallete two years ago (I am fudging the numbers here, must mean I am getting old) was less discerning than it is today. On the other hand, this could have something to do with the explosion of upscale Whole Foods-type supermarkets in the areas that I do most of my driving. I always hoped there would come a day when I'd say bye-bye to Little Debbies, but I had no idea it would happen so soon.

Today, I am proud to admit that on my drives between Denver and Minneapolis (about fourteen hours) my car is stocked with Granola bars and Smart Waters which I consume at an alarming pace. So alarming, in fact, that no advantage has so far accrued to my expanding waistline. If anything I have put on more weight. I tell myself that its complex carbs that will eventually be turned into muscle but I wonder.

Maybe the talk show hosts are on to something.

I have a confession to make. I incessantly channel surf while driving; often to the detriment of other drivers.

I also have this sign in my window because the giant SUV that I inherited when my companies merged is always black and shinny and designed to make other drivers feel inadequate.

Things did not used to be this way. In fact, about a decade ago, before the dawn of polarized politics (so they say) on the airwaves I'd pretty much leave my radio at one channel. Today its nothing but a steady stream of derision and sensationalism from one end of the dial to the next.

But I am not here to carp about radio.

I would instead like to rehabilitate a small nutritional item that does not deserve the vilifaction it receives on radio (right wing in particular). I am talking about granola.

Recently a heard a right-of-the-dial radio announcer comment that she would get back to her listeners after removing "a piece of granola from her throat."

Surgically, I am not sure what she meant. Sarcastically however this represented yet another attempt at demeaning a certain cereal substance that is nothing but good for you.

(let me get back to this...I am choking on a small piece of bloodless bacon prepared by the Hersuit Monks of Mendota...seriously...bought it at the organic farmers market yester...)

Ford is essentially a truck company. That is why in spite of calling 2005 "The Year of the Car" they could not muster much more than a reskinning of the Volvo 80 platform to create the unpowered, boring as butter Five Hundred Series (which have sold poorly).

Sadly, Ford of Europe manufactures cars that people want--namely the new Focus ST. But for now, in America, its all trucks.

On the other hand, if you really care about their contribution to our economy and the like, then you might appreciate the fact that Ford can spin out the best truck concepts (at least) around. If you really, really care, then write to them and tell them to produce the following truck--The Super Chief. I am told it is more economical than Neil Young's bio-diesel powered Hummer and consumes enough steel to put Cleveland and Youngstown back on the map.

P.S. The interior is made from a solid piece of wood. Think land yacht. Why not?

I was asked to contribute to this blog due to a fear that cars are losing their manliness.

Before you go all Angela Dworkin on me here let me make it clear that women can be manly. In fact, I know many women who are far more manly than men, the late Ms. Dworkin included. The most manly woman in history may well be CoCo Channel who said that in life there is work and then there is "passion" and no other time.

Therefore when people talk about manly cars they are really talking about automobiles that are passionately engineered. They are cars that remain slightly irresponsible. They are describing cars that if properly anthromophosized would eschew "Mommy Politics" and probably vote for the late Harry Browne.

The manly car is governed excusively by the laws of locomotion. Not convention (unless to defy it). And never by an opinion greater than than one.

If you have ridden in a Countach, for example, you cannot even see the car in back of you (where other cars will remain). If you have ridden shotgun in a "real street" Chevelle on a drag strip, you will see nothing, except, perhaps, God.

Best of all, with hybrid technology you can now drive a hybrid as fast as a petrol-powered vehicle with far more fuel efficiency. Lexus is ahead of the curve on this one with their 430 HT. While the car lacks a visceral punch, it shows what can be done. Fortunately Carrol Shelby, creator of the most manly car in history (that would be the 427 Cobra), is working on a similar type of car.

Which all leads me to say that people can lose their fears about the manly car being led to extinction. Just keep reading The Road Rake, have faith, and remember that in thurst you must trust.

Yo, the namesake of this cinematic masterpiece has been resurrected. The "Fairlane" nameplate will return as a 2007 Ford SUV with sheet metal slicker than fistful of Alberto VO5. A word of caution to Ford, however, if the interior receives the typical tupperware treatment it will bomb like the Dice Man.

(I'll be sending you pictures that I can confirm are production-ready.)