Subaru, Turducken, and Other Strange Birds

A long time ago I was fired from the Byerly’s business (and later restated) for taking a picture of a model holding a Turducken. I depicted this Scandinavian babe in a Bergmanesque pose tortured by existential angst over what to do with the strange aviary object.

Tres Lund, apparently, did not prefer realism in his supermarket. I can’t be sure, however, that he has ever tried to cook on Turkey Day. After all, what is one to do with a chicken that’s been stuffed in a duck then stuffed in a turkey? (or vice versa?)

I am told the ad did end up selling quite a few birds.

Which brings me to Subaru. The recent buzz on the company is the last second hiring of Carmichael Lynch–by all accounts, a great advertising agency. Subaru is going to need one, considering the inexplicable oddness of its new car line.

For years, Subuaru was a proud and inconoclastic car maker . They claimed, rightly, that their cars were "inexpensive and built to stay that way." They were a poster child for fighting car-based commonism.

That’s all changed. Their vehicles are now expensive for the money and downright ugly on the eyes. It all started when someone got the weird idea that Subaru could really fly high by paying homage to their history as an aircraft company. This resulted in the Tribeca B9, a bland beast with a grille that reflected their aircraft roots.

It appears here that they were aiming for the elegance of an Alfa Romeo but ended up with a modern day Edsel

Subaru’s strange behavior has now reached its zenith in the new WRX–-till recently their "halo" car. I’ve blogged about the previous generations of this car so much that I won’t bore you with the details. The latest generation of the WRX, however, looks like the designers have been overdosing on tryptophan.

The photo here to the right is not a Mazda 3 or some other econobox but instead the once-sporty-but-now somnambulistic WRX. Hatchbacks never have and never will be true sports cars. Its as if someone told Subaru that all the gung-ho boy racers have matured into grocery-getters ready to put away their childish things. It looks bloated and over-stuffed and the road tests are exactly lofty either.

Its time Fuji Heavy Industries (Subaru’s parent company) stopped thinking about airplanes and cooked up something like the previous generation WRX. It looked uncommon and flew like a bat out of you know where.

Which is more than I can say for a Turducken.

Or these Subies of late.