The Rake Magazine

Month: March 2007

  • The Three-Pointer: T-Minus Ten Games to Go

    Regular Season Game #72, Home Game #35: Miami 92, Minnesota 77

    1. The Fab Five Strike Again

    The Timberwolves were being blown off the court by the supposedly aged Miami Heat. In the space of 67 whirlwind seconds, the Heat had stolen passes, leaked out on Minnesota’s missed shots, and just generally hustled themselves into four layups, turning a three-point deficit into double digits in a blink, running the score to 10-21 with 3:26 to go in the first quarter. It was the latest shoulda-been embarrassment for the club that knows no shame.

    Trenton Hassell was the designated scapegoat, banished to the bench after that flurry, never to return. Never mind that point guard Jason Williams assisted on three of the hoops (not counting the two he dimed before the run) and scored the fourth, while Minnesota point guard Mike James was…where? Never mind that Ricky Davis was guarding either James Posey, who had four points (two of those leak-out layups were his) and one assist, or Eddie Jones, who had six points at the time (Hassell had the other one in non-zone situations). This isn’t to defend Hassell, who played like crap, but did manage to have two points (and a pair of missed FTs) and an assist, plus a rebound and a turnover. James? He went scoreless–not just in the first quarter, but in the entire 19:22 *he* was allowed to play–but had two assists and zero turnovers at the time Hassell was benched. And Davis had zero points, zero assists and a turnover at that 3:26 mark when Trenton was banished.

    Asked after the game if the flurry was why Hassell didn’t return, coach Randy Wittman, without mentioning Hassell, said, “Those four guys I just mentioned came in and gave me effort. Those are the guys who were going to play.”

    Ah, those aforementioned four guys Wittman called out by name–Jaric, Foye, Smith, and McCants–who teamed with KG. *That* lineup: the one that won the game against Indiana in the 4th period and has been used only in high-substitution situations or garbage time, at best, ever since. The lineup that is so obviously meshes best in the present while building for the future, to the point that Wittman’s aversion to it has led to the suspicion that this squad is tanking games to ensure they keep their draft pick. That Fab Five did eventually play together–with 9:31 to play in the second period, a good six minutes after Hassell was given the hook.

    Here’s the way Wittman got to that five: Jaric for Hassell with 3:26 to go in the first. Foye for James, and Smith for KG, with 1:33 to go. End of first period with Minnesota down 11, 14-25. Then, after Antoine Walker hit a six-foot bunny, Posey glided in for another layup, repeated it for a reverse layup, followed by a Udonis Haslem slam, all within the first 2:22 of the second period, Randy Wittman decided to use his most effective lineup down 16-33 with 9:31 to play in the half. He subbed in McCants for Davis, and KG for Mark Blount.

    Boom. McCants drove for a layup. Garnett fouled Mourning, who hit both free throws, but then KG nailed a 17-footer, stole a pass from Walker and fed Foye for a layup as he was fouled (Randy completed the three point play), and McCants blocked Mourning’s shot. A slightly nervous Pat Riley subbed Shaq back for Zo and Eddie Jones in for Posey, which didn’t prevent KG from nailing a 21-footer off a feed from Smith; Garnett making another steal off a Haslem pass and eventually hitting another long J on an assist from Foye, and then, to top it off, Garnett barreling down the floor and just before he was about to go up dumping it back to a roaring Smith, who tomahawked home a slam dunk. That’s a 13-2 run, folks, cutting the lead to six, and although the Heat quickly doubled it on successive treys by Williams and Jones, the tenor of the game had changed from the absurd blowout that was brewing before the Fab Five were allowed to reunite.

    Miami’s lead was 10 when Mark Madsen replaced Smith with 3:47 to go in the half, followed a minute and a second later by Davis replacing McCants, and 59 second after that by Blount subbing in for KG. We wouldn’t see that lineup again. Oh well: Wittman said those guys who gave effort were going to play–he didn’t say they were going to play together. Because you can’t have *too* much effort in one place when your personnel guy has fumbled away a draft pick if you play too well. Miami won going away, 77-92, making Minnesota a net -195 versus their opponents over the course of 17,388 minutes thus far this season. Because the Fab Five got to play a whole 5:44 together tonight and were a +7, that makes them a +46 in 64 total minutes of play this season. That works out to a 34 and a half point win per 48 minutes of play. And, not incidentally, it unites and energizes the team’s superstar by playing him alongside the team’s top three draft picks from the past two years, and a complementary player already signed through 2011.

    When it was noted after the game that this Fab Five seems to have a nice rhythm and flow going whenever they do get the chance to play together, Garnett replied, “They do have a nice flow but if it ain’t on the floor, I have to flow with what’s out there. It is more of an energy group. They are agressive, they play with a lot of energy and a lot of confidence.” And KG, who had 22 points and 20 rebounds in the 15-point loss, mostly had to “flow” with the likes of Blount (33:02, 4 rebounds, -18), Davis (35:14, 5 turnovers, -22).

    2. Tick Tock

    Coupled with the Clippers win, the loss to Miami puts the Wolves five games behind the 8th and final playoff spot with 10 games left to play. Minutes for Foye: 28:38. For McCants: 15:14. For Smith: 14:31.

    3. Talk Amongst Yourselves, or Chime In On the Diamond Diablog

    There will not be a trey following the Wolves-Orlando game on Sunday. Instead, I will post a “diablog” between myself, David Brauer (former sports columnist for the Twin Cities Reader among many other things), and Brad Zellar (the author of the baseball blog Warning Track Power at this rakemag.com site) about the upcoming Twins season on Monday morning. Use the comments section vent and wax eloquent about tonight’s game and the Orlando tilt. Rest assured I’ll be posting Three-Pointers on most of the rest of the Wolves games this season, and into the NBA Playoffs. But this blog has a sort-of generic name for a reason: I’ll be posting about the Twins as well during their season, and if the response is good, may just keep it going until the suddenly coveted NBA draft and beyond.

  • Par the Purloiner

    Look, this has to stop. There are bigger issues out there. This US Attorneys things is starting to feel like the Oak Island Mystery, where every time you break through one layer of cover you dig a bit further and hit another. Now there’s this squirrely GSA business. (Thematic linkage: Throat-slitting partisan careerists politicizing every branch of government.)

    But here in Minnesota we’ve got Par Ridder and the Star Tribune giving and giving and giving. Or maybe, “taking”, in this most recent case.

    So Ridder, who preached all that spirit-raising teamwork and loyalty stuff at the Pioneer Press before getting a better offer from the evil enemy, (the Star Tribune), and jumping ship without so much as a teary cookies-and-cake farewell, seems to have walked off with a computer full of Pioneer Press secrets*. (*What secrets? Like how to cover high school football in Wisconsin?) The PiPress got the hardware back, but claims to be concerned about hush-hush stuff Ridder could have downloaded.

    Obviously all that is goofy enough. Standard procedure in these matters would seem to be that you divest yourself of any and all proprietary information along with the executive men’s room key. But maybe Ridder just forgot. If he did, you’d think he’d simply say so — or tell his own newsroom before it got printed in the mousey rival paper and slapped on Romenesko, (all while most of Ridder’s peers/newspaper bigwigs are gathered together in D.C. for the American Society of Newspaper Editors … you gotta imagine the jokes going around that place).

    I don’t know which part of the story I like best. The part where one of the guys the PiPress assigns to retrieve the computer ends up taking a job from Ridder — kind of like those Cuban baseball players who defect once they get two feet out of Castro’s waters — or the part where Ridder, a crack newsman don’t you know, didn’t bother to give his own reporters a heads-up that they were going to get scooped on what people in the newspaper business call an obvious “talker”.

    I mean, this is so inept someone ought to check and see if Alberto Gonzalez is running the Strib.

    As of 3 pm Friday the Strib still hadn’t put anything on the story up on its site. Nothing. Not even a half-credible glop of official-speak. Not even something on the order of, “Computer? What computer? I’ll ask my driver if he’s seen a computer.”

    Word was that reporter Matt McKinney had been handed the assignment.

  • A Pointless Exercise, Uncompleted

    To me, one of the great mysteries of 2006 was how Joe Mauer, a guy who had an on base percentage of .429, somehow managed to avoid scoring or driving in 100 runs. Three guys who hit behind him combined for 337 RBI (Morneau: 130; Cuddyer: 109; and Hunter: 98). Mauer had 86 runs scored and 84 RBI. You’d have to assume that he was on base a good deal of the time when Morneau, Cuddyer, and Hunter were at the plate, and also that some of their RBIs were available to him when he was at bat.

    The stats say that Mauer hit .367 with runners on, .360 with runners in scoring position, and .408 with runners in scoring position and two out. Those are some pretty astonishing numbers, and make it even more difficult to explain his run production.

    Over the winter I was determined to go through every 2006 game to see if I could figure out who exactly crossed the plate on every run-producing play. In other words, who scored those 130 runs that Morneau drove in?

    I kept getting sidetracked on this project –it was an extremely slow process– and didn’t end up getting very far. In the early going, at least, it was all very random, and the runs were pretty evenly distributed up and down the line-up, but that was when I was working with April’s games and the Twins weren’t scoring a whole lot of runs.

    I’m still curious. Maybe somebody else has done this, or does it every year. Maybe this information is available somewhere. Anybody know?

    Here’s some other     random stuff that helps to put last year’s remarkable production in context:

    In 2005 the Twins didn’t have a single player with 100 runs batted in or scored. It was even worse than that: the Twins finished that season 13th in the AL in runs, and didn’t even have a single player with eighty runs or RBI.

    In 2004 it was pretty much the same story –not a single player with 100 runs or RBI. Lew Ford, of all people, led the team with 89 runs, and Torii Hunter was the club leader with 81 RBI.

    Before 2006 the last Twin to drive in 100 runs was Hunter, who finished with 102 in 2003.

    The last time Minnesota had a player score and drive in 100 runs was in 2001, when Corey Koskie pulled it off (100 runs, 103 RBI). Koskie’s 2001 season, in fact, was almost a mirror of Michael Cuddyer’s 2006. Koskie finished with a .276 BA, 37 doubles, and 26 home runs (and 118 strike outs and 68 walks). Here are Cuddyer’s numbers from last year: 102 R, 109 RBI, .284 BA, 41 doubles, 24 HR, 130 Ks, and 62 walks.

  • The Difference

    One could not ask for a clearer distinction between what newspapers should be and what they are becoming than today’s paper editions of the New York Times and the Star Tribune.

    The featured photos on the front page of The Times were a series of three which perfectly illustrated the frustration that is Iraq. A Sunni grandmother who had been threatened by Shiite men was shielded by American and Kurdish soldiers, and the Shiites were arrested and taken away by the Americans. The third photo was of the woman’s granddaughters crying because their grandmother had just been shot dead by Shiites after the Americans left. (Here is the entire NY Times slideshow.)

    The front page of the Strib featured a large movie still of the execrable Will Farrell in his latest assault on the intelligence of America, and a heart tugger of a man who wants to keep the memory of Jackie Robinson alive 60 years after he integrated Major League baseball.

    Both front pages made me ill.

  • The Weekend Is All about the Music

    MUSIC
    Good Old Boys

    TNSimage.jpgI don’t know why most cover bands try so hard to make each song sound like the original recording. In my book, the whole point of covering a song is to make it yours, to add your own touches and stylings in an effort to pay homage to the song. This is precisely what The New Standards do with the songs they cover. I’d even venture to say that many of them sound better than their original counterparts (but don’t let anyone know I said that). With raw, simple instrumentation and a lot of attention to the vocals, The New Standards offer up a wide array of 20th century mellow jazz in a beautifully adept manner. These boys have been around the block a bit, and anyone with an inkling of knowledge of the local music scene here should know them well — John Munson (of Trip Shakespeare and Semisonic fame), Chan Poling (founder of the haute-punk new-wave group The Suburbs), and Steve Roehm, vibraphonist extraordinaire. Roehm actually plays with such ease, and such skill, he’s almost worth the show alone.

    Friday and Saturday at 8 p.m., Dakota Jazz Club & Restaurant, 1010 Nicollet, Downtown Minneapolis, 612-332-1010, $15.

    Listen to The New Standards.

    ScofieldGood copy.jpgAnd the Dakota’s not stopping there. On Sunday, you can go see John Scofield, one of the “big three” of current jazz guitarists. Scofield doles out jazz improv, somewhere between post-bop, fusion, and soul jazz.

    Sunday at 7 p.m. and 10 p.m., Dakota Jazz Club & Restaurant, 1010 Nicollet, Downtown Minneapolis, 612-332-1010, $35 & $25.

    Watch and listen to John Scofield.

    Touch Two Torches Together

    debbie.jpgWhy settle for one? This fire is going to burn bright tonight. For the first time ever, Debbie Duncan and Carole Martin will share the stage. Two local icons come together for what promises to be a soulful, romantic, or even gut-wrenching evening — whatever you’re looking for. Gaze into your lover’s eyes as Martin lulls you with her torch songs. Weep from your inner-most recesses as Duncan pelts you with her Gospel-trained vocals. The two know how to put on a pretty good show, alone. I can only assume the best.

    Friday and Saturday at 9 p.m., The Artists’ Quarter, 408 St Peter Street, St.Paul, 651-292-1359, $10.

    Download Debbie Duncan songs.
    Download Carole Martin songs.

    Yes, More Jazz Still

    docseverinson_168x200.jpg“Heeeeere’s Johnny!” I can’t fail to mention Doc Severinsen’s final concerts with the Minnesota Orchestra this weekend. Prior to serving as the Minnesota Orchestra’s Principal Pops conductor for the last 14 seasons, this man was solely responsible for that signature trumpet blast following Johnny Carson’s introduction on the Tonight Show for decades — and he happens to be a pretty darn good trumpet player and composer despite that. In his last hurrah, Severinsen will be presenting hits from the golden age of big bands and American popular song — hits by George and Ira Gershwin, Irving Berlin, Rodgers and Hammerstein — everything from jazz to film scores to Broadway musicals. Vocalists Lynn Roberts and Joe Wolverton will accompany him, along with percussionist Ed Shaughnessy, (Severinsen’s long-time drummer on the Tonight Show) and the Minnesota Chorale. After the show, there’s a champagne toast to Doc Severinsen in the lobby.

    Friday and Saturday at 8 p.m., Sunday at 2 p.m., Orchestra Hall, Minneapolis, 612-371-5656, $20.25-$49.25.

    Listen to Doc Severinsen.

    Fiddles, Banjos, Mandolins, More

    Roe copy.jpgForget St. Patty’s Day. You really want to celebrate those Irish-Scott roots (or those African ones)? Head on over to the Uptown Bluegrass Festival at the Suburban World Theater. Get a little O, Brother, Where Art Thou? soundtrack of your own — or something like it — with the Roe Family Singers, Pert Near Sandstone, High 48s, Hobo Nephews of Uncle Frank, Floor Birds, Free Range Pickin’, and the Sans Souci Quartet. Yes, you can see some of these bands in town on a fairly regular basis (The Roe Family Singers play every Monday at the 331 Club), but this is a great weekend to get a full sampling of the local bluegrass scene. Plus, you can get there early for an open jam (Friday 4-7 p.m., Saturday 2-7 p.m.). Bring your instruments.

    Saturday at 8 p.m., Suburban World Theatre, 3022 Hennepin Avenue
    Minneapolis, 612-822-9000, $12.50, both days for $17.50.

    Listen to Roe Family Singers.
    Listen to Pert Near Sandstone.

    One in Spirit

    The Twin Cities Gay Men’s Chorus will be performing this weekend at the Ted Mann Concert Hall, following the Faces of Faith conference. All faiths are welcome.

    Friday and Saturday at 8:00 p.m., Ted Mann Concert Hall, 2128 4th Street S., Minneapolis, 612-624-2345, $19-$39.

    OPERA
    Last Chance for Seduction

    DonJuan.jpgThis is the last weekend to see Don Juan Giovanni, Jeune Lune’s postmodern mix of Mozart’s 1787 opera, Don Giovanni, and French playwright Moliere’s 1665 Don Juan — two works about the infamous European seducer. Actors and singers join together in a contemporary cross-country road trip that leads them to deeper questions of nature and morality — all on a relatively stark stage, with the Minneapolis skyline looming behind.

    Friday and Saturday at 8 p.m., Sunday at 7 p.m., Theatre de la Jeune Lune, 105 North First Street, Minneapolis, 612-333-6200, $31.50 (group discounts available), students and seniors $26.50.

    Listen to a song from Don Juan Giovanni.

    OPERA
    Imperial India Hits Minnesota

    Lakme2.jpgSaturday is the premiere of The Minnesota Opera’s performance of Lakme, by Leo Delibes. Sung in French with English translations projected above the stage, Lakme tells the tale of ill-fated love and cultures colliding. Wait. Haven’t I seen this before? She dies, right? Oh, no. That was Romeo and Juliet — and it had nothing to do with the British Raj in India. This opera tells the story of Lakme, the daughter of a Brahmin priest, who falls hopelessly in love with the British officer Gerald during a time when the British were forcing many Hindus to practice their religion in secret — clearly not an environment well-suited to their union. Are you up for some tears, honor, and indignation? Go see it.

    Saturday at 7:30 p.m., Sunday at 2 p.m., Ordway Center for the Performing Arts, 345 Washington S., Saint Paul, Box office: 651-224-4222, Main: 651-282-3000, $70.50-$134.50.

    SHOPPING (FOR WEAPONRY)
    Bang Bang

    All this mellow music and love-story opera just not doing it for you? Get behind the barrel of a gun and let some steam off. (Did I really just say that?) Bill’s Gun Shop & Range is having its Spring Shooters Show this weekend. That’s right. You can come look at the guns on display, meet some of the factory reps, and even try their guns for free. All you have to do is buy the ammo, and the range use is free as well. Not enough incentive for you? How about shooting off a machine gun? Dang!

    Friday and Saturday 10 a.m. to 8 p.m., Sunday 10 a.m. to 5 p.m., Bill’s Gun Shop & Range, 4080 W. Broadway Ave., Robbinsdale 763-533-9594, Free.

    SOCIAL NETWORKING
    Twitter away Your Time Looking for a Fella

    Thanks to a friendly tip (which you’re all invited to send to cristina@rakemag.com) and a later Metroblogging Minneapolis post, we have an opportunity to make a new friend this weekend — maybe more. Here’s the deal. Have you heard of Twitter? It’s pretty basic — just an online community that allows you to send remote messages saying what you’re up to. OK. Well, a guy here in town, Least Dangerous Game, is using it to host a city-wide hide-and-seek game. This Saturday from noon to 4 p.m., he’ll be “hiding” somewhere in the Twin Cities. Using Twitter, he’ll offer clues as to where he can be found. The first person to find him will receive a prize. His friendship, perhaps? No, apparently, this week it’s going to be a $15 Target gift card — but you can probably work the whole friendship thing into the deal if you’re not too socially inept. Originally, he wasn’t even going to begin the game until at least 50 Twin Cities Twitterers became his friend through Twitter (like on myspace.com); but it looks like he’s going for a trial run nonetheless. If all goes well, and enough people are interested, he’ll keep doing it each week. So, if you’re already a Twitterer, go log in and make him your friend. If you’re not, you can register for a free account. It’s weird enough to merit a try. Savor the awkwardness a while.

    Saturday, noon-4 p.m., somewhere in the Twin Cities. (Is it still OK to call it that?)

    PedalPub.jpgAlso through Metroblogging Minneapolis, I discovered an interesting new “biking” event this weekend. The PedalPub is coming to town! That’s right, folks, you can finally drink, exercise, and socialize all at the same time. Yes, just like a kickball game, but on wheels. Come try it out this Saturday. Get a free ride on the PedalPub, free hot dogs, free sodas (as supplies last), and… give away your free image for their marketing purposes. There’s always a catch.

    Saturday from noon to 3 p.m., Father Hennepin Bluffs Park, at 6th Ave SE and Main Street (by the entrance of the Stone Arch Bridge), Free.

  • Hillary Cars

    Sir Edmund Hillary (I am sorry, did I miss something?) was once asked why, in the deepest sense, he risked his life to climb Mount Everest.
    “Because it was there,” he answered.

    I have a corollary when asked about certain cars to buy. Some cars are just waiting there for you to buy. Because certain models of cars can move moutains for peanuts by accepting a few basic modifications.

    Consider the lowly Dodge Neon, for example. Did you know that this lump of metal can be transformed for less than 10k into the world’s fastest beer run mobile? (You do not need a Lambo for this duty.)

    The Dodge Neon SRT-4 model with the ACR suspension package and Mopar Stage 3 upgrade puts out 300 HP and can beat most any car on the track–911s included (I’ve seen it). While you’ll fight a heavy dose of torque steer (mitigated by track handling package), you’ll also beat up on cars costing ten times more. I am talking about buying this car for 25k new with full warranty.

    Other cars include the John Cooper Works Mini Cooper (pricy but ab fab to drive insanely fast) the 2003 Mustang Cobra and the Volvo V70 TR-5 wagon. The Vovlo wagon, in particular, has a base HP rating of 236 HP–but easily accepts a chip from IPT that adds another 55 reliable HP. All these vehicles are available fully modded for less than 30 k.

    So buy one.

    Because they are there.

  • Redandnater: Shaming the Idiots

    I have a lot of guilty pleasures, probably more than innocent ones, but among the guiltiest is redandnater.com a local broadcast message board. It is a place where usually anonymous broadcast professionals, very disgruntled ex-broadcast professionals and some appalling idiots re-staff, re-program TV and radio stations and spare nothing in insulting the talent of well, uh, on-air talent and the twits who hired them.

    According to redandnater’s deep thinkers Joe Soucheray is mailing it in, Tom Barnard is a washed up hack/genius, John Hines, (based on his first day), is never going to cut it on talk radio, every sales manager on every local station is a putz and a bastard, so is every program director, (except KSTP’s former PD, Joe O’Brien, who is regularly proposed as the salvation for every programming screw-up the town has ever endured). It is also a place where “fecterated” (?) is an all-purpose slur.

    If you know anything at all about the characters getting torched on redandnater you are also convinced that radio and TV are doomed in the Twin Cities market … if even half of the board’s contributors are actually employed in the business … because they appear to be utterly clueless about what to do to invigorate either medium other than re-creating personalities and formats that were hot in the ’80s.

    Anyway … like every other unmoderated board, redandnater has been plagued by the usual wretched few who aren’t content just to sound profoundly stupid, but have to add a dollop of racism or porn-hound sexism for worse measure. So a few days ago, Eric Redlinger, the board’s co-creator/primary supervisor announced that he’d post the IP addresses of the worst offenders if they didn’t knock it off, pronto.

    Outed for racist stupidity!? On the internet!? It’s the fall of friggin’ Rome!

    Actually it’s more like one average guy’s stand for a little goddam civility. Maybe you can’t make people b e smart, but you sure can shame them out of transmitting their closeted phobias.

    “I posted one, today,” Redlinger told me when we chatted this afternoon.

    He says the board gets about 167 hits a day on 21 different topics. (Sample: “Tom Barnard’s Act Has Grown Old” — 46 posts.) And that in terms of cash flow, “We make very little, if none at all.”

    For a day job Redlinger runs a production house, RedCommunications.tv. But he did a term at KFAN until getting canned five years ago, pretty much simultaneous with starting up redandnater. (The “nater” half takes the very low profile. In fact, “he may or may not exist”, Redlinger seems to like to say.) Last year Clear Channel regional capo, Mick Anselmo, memorably ordered his staff to lay off redandnater, at least on company time. (Anselmo’s sales honchos, a few select program directors and Clear Channel in general take a constant, merciless beating).

    Redlinger’s personal guesstimate breakdown of knowledgeable broadcast professionals to blithering idiots is, “About 20/80, with the idiots leading the charge.” He believes his I’ll-post-your-IP threat has at least temporarily flushed out the most racist, sexist blitherers.

    “That crowd wants nothing to do with having their identity
    revealed in any way. I don’t like to do it. When we said we’d post everything and not censor anything, and we meant it. But when it gets as ugly and hurtful as some of that stuff was, it drives off the people you created the thing for, the people who want to exchange information or just gossip.”

  • Jib Jab Does "What We Call the News"

    It is spring in DC. Time for politicians and reporters to gather and reassure us and each that they are kindred souls playing the same game for the same team. For the Radio and TV Correspondents Dinner the kids at JibJab debuted their latest video. Check it out here.

  • The Three-Pointer: A Kinder, Gentler Loss

    Regular Season Game #71, Road Game #37, Utah 108, Minnesota 102

    1. The Curse of the Rolling Roles
    The best things you can say about last night’s six-point loss to the division-clinching Utah Jazz are that it removed the Wolves from the stench of their monumental collapse the previous evening, and set them further along the road to keeping their precious draft pick. Otherwise, the differences between the two clubs in terms of teamwork, roles, and substitution rotations were far more glaring than the final margin.

    Under Jerry Sloan, everyone on the Jazz knows exactly what he should be doing, and why. The club’s starting five is beautifully balanced, with a large, physical, classic point guard in Deron Williams, a low post banger in power forward Carlos Boozer, an energy-oriented disruptor in small forward Kirilenko, an unconventional primary three-point threat in center Mehmet Okur, and a shrewd veteran glue guy cherry-picking his moments in off-guard Derek Fisher.

    Now consider the Timberwolves. Let’s face it, there is a vacuum at point guard. Mike James was physically and mentally overmatched against Williams, staying with his “aggressive” mantra to the tune of four shots, zero assists and two fouls in the game’s first 5:37, sending him to the bench with the Wolves down 9-13. By that time, Willaims had already laid down three dimes and gone 1-2 FG. Randy Foye fared a little better, amassing 17 points and 4 assists in a sizable 38:05 that stemmed from James being unable to contain Williams without fouling (at least he tried that instead of the matador of his first three months). But when it was all done, the Wolves’ point guard had 23 points on 22 shots, 4 assists and 3 turnovers. On his own, Williams had 22 points on 9 official shots (he got to the line 14 times, versus 6 for Foye-James), 14 assists and 3 turnovers.

    On this ballclub, KG must simultaneously be Kirilenko and Boozer, the banger and the disrupter. And at this point in the season, he’s toast, physically and mentally. Usually he has his way with Boozer, but last night Boozer not only matched his point total (25), but outrebounded (11-8) and outassisted (3-1) KG. When that happens, this team ain’t gonna beat Utah.

    Which brings us to Ricky Davis, who must simultaneously be Williams and Fisher–the guy who initiates the offense and the one smart enough to flow to what is needed from the backcourt. Just for “fun,” I thought I’d compare the Wolves’ won-lost records with which players led the squad in points and assists. I’m not totally sure what it means–making definitive conclusions on what really is sort of a random correlation–except that the rolling roles on this squad bring a lot of different players into the mix. Anyway, the charitable way to put it is that Minnesota should rely more on Ricky Davis to carry the load for this squad. The uncharitable way to see it is that the Wolves peform much better on the nights Davis bothers to show up. On the team-high 26 occasions when he has led (or co-led) the team in assists, the Wolves are a gaudy 16-10; every other assist-leader sends the team to a sub-.500 mark. For KG, the margin is close, 9-10. For the point guards, it is not. The Wolves are a collective 7-15 when either James (4-10) or Foye (3-5) lead the squad in assists. They are even worse, 3-9, when small forwards Trenton Hassell (2-7) or Marko Jaric (1-2) are the assist leader.

    For points, on the 20 times Davis has led the team, they are exactly .500 at 10-10. For everyone else, not so good. When KG tops them in points, it is 17-24; when anyone other than Davis or KG is the point leader, the team is 3-12.

    As I say, making definitive judgments on this stuff is very dicey, if not specious. But it does seem to indicate that the point guards are currently incapable of successfully leading this squad in either shooting or dishing; that they are, at best, complementary pieces to the KG-Ricky Show. As for those top two, one might think their versatility would be an asset, and on a more experienced, better-coached ballclub, perhaps that’s true. But it has not worked out on this club in this season.

    2. Blount Trauma
    The sad thing about center Mark Blount is that he literally can’t win for trying. Like most Timberwolves observers I’ve been critical of Blount’s absence of intensity and, by extension, integrity, as he has seemingly mailed in his performances since the All Star break, routinely torpedoing Minnesota’s hopes for victory in the process. During the 4th quarter Seattle debacle, Blount sat on the bench frequently sporting a “what me worry?” smirk and exchanging pleasantries with other scrubs like Justin Reed and Troy Hudson, oblivious (or not: it is damning either way) to the carnage taking place on the court.

    But last night, Blount was hustling his rear off. Not only did he continue showing hard on the pick and roll (his one strength aside from that sweet jumper), but he fought for rebounds with a diligence nearly always in limbo when it comes to Blount and boards. It got to the point where the tables were ironically turned in crunchtime, as Wolves color commentator and fairly steadfast Blount booster Jim Petersen excoriated him for not covering Mehmet Okur on a crucial trey that bumped Utah’s margin from 5 to 8, a crippling difference with just 2:58 to play; while I, a fairly steadfast Blount ripper, protested to the heavens that Blount had shown hard on the perimeter to Deron Williams, who deftly zipped it to Mehmet while no other Timberwolf rotated over. Now, it is quite possible Pete knows the defensive rotation strategies in play for Utah, and that Blount was supposed to stay with Okur rather than hound Williams so far outside. In any case, Utah’s spacing and savvy trumped Blount’s move, and my sense of inner justice when Blount promptly slammed home a feed from Foye at the other end was tempered when Wittman removed Blount from the game after the next possession.

    But here’s the thing: popcornmachine.net had Blount getting annihilated at -18 during his 35:31 of action, way ahead of Davis and Hassell as the next worst entries at -8. And this was a game in which Blount’s hustle and demeanor, if nothing else, were beyond criticism.
    The popcornmachine.net numbers also clearly indicate, in reiteration of point one in this trey, that when Jerry Sloan had his main guys working his system, the Wolves were buried. The first Minnesota bonus was when a pair of late draft picks, Craig Smith and Paul Milsapp, were matched up with each other and the Cookie Monster went off, eventually finishing with 14 points for the second period on 5-6 FG and 4-4 FT as Minnesota put up a +11 margin. (Outside of the second period, Smith was 1-4 FG, 0-0 FT and -4 in 9:58.) The second eye-opening stat is that Utah was +18 in the 39:22 that Deron Williams was manning the point, and -12 in the 8:38 he wasn’t.

    3. Tick Tock
    The Wolves have slipped behind Sacramento to 12th place in the West, out of the playoffs by 4 games with 11 left to play. Minutes for Rashad McCants: 6:48. There is still a mathematical chance for the Wolves to bag that 8th spot of course, but the odds are steep enough that you have to wonder if Coach Wittman really is invoking a “tanking with vets” strategy. The lineup of McCants-Foye-Smith-KG-Jaric was actually allowed to play the bulk of that second quarter last night, and went +2. If you go to the 82games.com website and click on their 5-man floor units page (here’s the link: http://www.82games.com:80/0607/0607MIN2.HTM), you’ll see that that quintet of the three kids plus KG and Marko is a +39 in just 58 minutes together, a rate 82games extrapolates out to a 10-1 record. Giving that unit more time would certainly maximize the potential talent already on this team, but would be hell on securing that draft pick.

  • White Soul, White Blues, Beards, Women, and Race

    MUSIC
    A Couple of White Folk

    morrison.jpgThe 400 Bar never ceases to amaze me. Somehow their relatively small, dingy and dirty space seems to draw some of the best folk acts in town — and a few more innovative ones at that. Tonight, James Morrison and Jessie Baylin take the stage (not together). British country boy, James Morrison serves up some soul in a way that only white guys do — when they actually have soul and a voice to boot. No, really. I’m not just making fun here. If you dig Dylan’s style (not that I would EVER compare anyone to Dylan), then you’ll probably appreciate Morrison’s peculiar voice (though sweet), clever lyrics, and soulful song (though he definitely leans more toward the love songs). He’s kind of like a Jack Johnson with soul, actually. How can that be bad?

    Baylin2.jpgOh, and Jessie Baylin — she sounds quite lovely to me (and looks lovely, too). A fan of Steve Nicks and Joni Mitchell, and friend to Scarlett Johansson, Baylin’s sweet melodies have a folkified touch of Natasha Bedingfield.

    9 p.m., 400 Bar, 400 Cedar Ave. S., Minneapolis, 612-332-2903 $12.00.

    Listen to James Morrison.
    Listen to Jessie Baylin.

    MUSIC
    White Man Sings the Blues

    JH05.jpgWe’ve all heard of Bob Dylan, Tom Waits, even Robert Johnson; and yet the name John Hammond Jr. rings no bells for some. (Tell me you at least remember his father. The man is responsible for discovering Benny Goodman, Count Basie, Billie Holiday, Robert Johnson, Bessie Smith, Bob Dylan, Aretha Franklin, Pete Seeger, and Bruce Springsteen.) While Junior has not enjoyed his father’s commercial success, he has been entertaining us for the over 40 years, earning himself a Grammy Award and releasing over 25 albums. Emerging from the American folk scene of the 60s, Hammond has since been entertaining blues, folk, and rock audiences around the world with his intense solo-acoustic blues. And don’t miss tonight’s opening act — local, fingerstyle guitarist Phil Heywood. It promises to be a soul-grabbing event.

    7:30 p.m., Cedar Cultural Center, 416 Cedar Ave. S., Minneapolis, 612-338-2674, $16.

    Listen to John Hammond Jr.
    Listen to Phil Heywood.

    BillyT.jpgLooking for something a little more hardcore? Check out Billy Talent at the 7th Street Entry tonight. The Toronto-based quartet has been lauded as one of the premiere punk acts of the new millennium.

    5 p.m., all ages, The 7th Street Entry, First Avenue, 701 First Ave. N., Minneapolis, 612-332-1775, $10 advance, $12 door.

    Listen to Billy Talent.

    COMEDY
    What’s So Funny about Facial Hair?

    Bearded copy.jpgI mean, mustaches I could see laughing at — but beards? Apparently, it’s the people donning them. Tonight some of our finest local writers, improvisers, and comedians will perform their own material in The Bearded Gentlemen comedic showcase. The bearded gentlemen — Mike Fotis, Brian Beatty, Daniel Hetzel, Levi Weinhagen, John Haynes, and Nate Melcher — will each take the stage for 15 minutes of solo comedy. Collectively these writers and actors have performed with the Brave New Workshop, ComedySportz Twin Cities, Ministry of Cultural Warfare, Louie Anderson, and Ferrari McSpeedy.

    8 p.m., Brave New Workshop Theatre, 612-332-6620, $10.

    THEATER
    A Musical Celebration of American Women

    girls.jpgIf beards just aren’t your thing, maybe a glorification of womanhood is more your style. Tonight is the premiere performance of Suzanna Winter’s Where the Girls Are, brought to you by Blue Umbrella Productions. Using popular music as a vehicle, this musical revue examines the evolution of women’s rights and roles in America. The vast musical repertoire includes such greats as “I Wanna Be Loved by You,” “Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Friend,” “These Boots are Made for Walkin’,” “I Will Survive,” and “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.”

    7:30 p.m., The Lowry Lab Theater., The Lowry Building across from the St. Paul Hotel, 360 St. Peter Street Saint Paul, 651-646-2943, $15.

    Note: Tomorrow’s performance will be ASL interpreted, and the April 7th performance will be Audio described.

    LECTURE
    A Woman of Substance and Spine

    Ling copy.jpgWhile many of us nestle in our beds dreaming of exotic adventures, there are indeed women in our midst furrowing into the recesses of Conrad’s dark continent . As part of St. Catherine’s Women of Substance Series , Lisa Ling — the first woman host of the award-winning documentary series Explorer from the National Geographic Channel — will be speaking tonight at The O’Shaughnessy . Come hear about this gutsy woman’s travels and adventures from India to the Congo.

    7:30 p.m., The O’Shaughnessy, College of St. Catherine, 2004 Randolph Avenue, Saint Paul, 651-690-6700, $32 adults.

    Gaines copy.jpgOr if you’d rather cut to the chase with something a bit more academic, go hear Kevin Gaines lecture on Confronting History, Race, and Stereotypes. (Lord knows we could all use a little more learning in this arena.) Kevin Gaines is a professor of history and director of The Center for Afroamerican and African Studies at the University of Michigan. He will examine America’s relationship to anti-black racial stereotypes, and the historical connections present in Kara Walker’s work. Plus, if you get to The Walker by 6 p.m., you can take a tour of Paper Trail: A Decade of Acquisitions.

    7:30 pm, Cinema, Walker Art Center, 1750 Hennepin Ave, Minneapolis, 612-375-7600, Free, but ticket required — available at 6:30 pm at the Bazinet Garden Lobby desk.

    SHOPPING
    Sprinkle on a Little Latin Sparkle

    Sepia — art within accessories — is having their Spring Open House today. Venezuelan-owned Sepia opened in Northeast Minneapolis last Fall, featuring jewelry and accessories designed by Latin American artists. Go be the first to see their spring collections. Drink some wine. Sample the hors d’oeuvre. And make use of the 10-percent discount. Any birthdays or anniversaries coming soon? This might be a good place to find some unique gifts.

    4-8 p.m., SEPIA, 201 6th St. SE, Suite 100, Minneapolis, 612-379-0309, 10% off.