Sinking the SUV

Even as the first production Hummers and Gelandewagens begin to roll on local streets, there’s a growing national chorus of self-righteous folks complaining about the sport utility vehicle. When Arianna Huffington and Jesus agree on anything, there’s clearly something afoot.

Sure, there is much to hate about these biggie-sized vehicles. And yet all this kvetching is ultimately an exercise in self-loathing. Literally every other new car driven off the lot is an SUV or light truck—and not because there’s been a sudden upswing in farm work and logging. When you attack the SUV, you attack American values and American business. You attack American soccer moms. The truth is, most people think SUVs are safer, roomier, and cooler than other more reasonable automobiles. Even though 9 out of 10 SUVs never leave pavement, we seem to be comforted by knowing what we could do, in a pinch. This all has to do with the American myth of (solipsistic) self-reliance in the (mostly extinct) wilderness.

Here in Minnesota, we’re caught in the middle. We tell ourselves we need SUVs because of the snow, but we’re skeptical of the leather seats and the DVD entertainment center. Perhaps this pragmatic investment in the national delusion is why our economy tends to be more stable, and why we drive more modest, utilitarian cars than our friends in New York, Miami, and L.A. Indeed, most of Minnesota’s moneyed class would rather be seen in a Volvo than in a garish Italian sportscar or a ridiculous Teutonic limousine. There are very few things Minnesotans hate more than a show-off.

Utility, durability, affordability—these are the magic words that are nullified by too many ostentatious options. Just so, Volvos have long been a popular ride in these parts, owing not so much to our Scandinavian roots, but to our prudence. Kjell Bergh, the jovial Norwegian who runs Borton Volvo, recently confirmed that his dealership sells as many Volvos as anybody in the country. Now that Volvo is officially offering an SUV—the highly anticipated XC90—Borton is already the automaker’s top-selling SUV dealership on the continent.

That’s a pretty neat trick, considering that very few XC90s have arrived in North America yet. The car was so much anticipated that more than 130 Minnesotans signed up last fall for the waiting list. Alas, tragedy struck. In December, the first XC90s from Gothenburg met with an untimely demise. The cargo ship containing 3,000 automobiles—including more than 300 new Volvos—capsized in the English Channel. It’s not clear if Jesus or Arianna Huffington intervened.

Bergh said people on the bottom of the waiting list may now have to wait until May or June before they can park their butts in the seat-heaters of this “near luxury” car. (It’s not the first or worst time Volvo fanatics in the Twin Cities have been sunk. Back in the 1970s, two major floods on South Lyndale ruined 55 cars on the Borton lot.)

We are reasonable folks, and our modest northern European roots show through in canny ways. Occasionally, we even have something to teach the rest of the nation. Perhaps our interest in these more reasonable, less ostentatious cars—known in the industry as crossover utilities (CUVs) and including vehicles like the Honda CRV, the Toyota RAV, and the Subaru Forester—can help ease the self-hatred that lately rises from the depths of a nation addicted to big cars, big oil, and big me.–Hans Eisenbeis


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